Archive for spa

Luxury – a Josie Jenkins quote.

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have become a bit of a quotaholic recently but here’s one of my own…a bit of a pearl of wisdom, even if I do say so myself. Using the term “one” gives it a certain amount of finesse I feel…

“Luxury is not simply being able to afford an expensive body lotion; it’s being able to slather it on as freely as one would a bottle of Johnson’s baby lotion.”

Josie Jenkins


A Hairy Fantasy!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2011 by Ella Slayne

So I wouldn’t usually share one of my fantasies with you guys – after all they’re private right?  I mean who would want to share such an intimate thing with the whole world via the internet?  Not me that’s for sure  – although actually I have no say in the matter because it’s up to Ella and quite frankly she seems to have no concern whatsoever telling the world all my private details!

But this is a fantasy I don’t mind sharing – although I’m not suggesting anyone tries to do the whole psychoanalysis number on it! 

At the moment I am having a fantasy of walking down the street in shorts and extremely hairy legs.  Actually not just hairy legs, hairy armpits too!   In my fantasy I am walking freely, hair sprouting forth on my limbs at the amazement and admiration of all who pass by.  I can hear them gasp at the wonder of my downy legs and bushy underarms. I feel no embarrassment.  No! In fact I feel like a goddess. A cilial-covered goddess!

I think my fantasy has something to do with the arrival of summer and the need to de-hair regularly all of sudden.  Not that I don’t de-hair during the rest of the year – obviously I do – but let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to hide a few days leg hair growth under a pair of long jeans isn’t it? 

But now it’s swimming season and so the pressure is on to have smooth, soft, hairless skin again.  I know I shouldn’t feel that I have to slap on the Nair or haul out the Gillette.  I mean I know that whether I have hair on my legs or not does not define my beauty.  And even though my rational head tells me that there shouldn’t be a difference between men and women’s collection of bristles, my gut instinctively seems to say otherwise.  I tried the natural look, years ago when I was a student (and single coincidentally)  but it didn’t last long before I was ripping it all away with sugar wax from the BodyShop.   The truth is though that even though it is completely natural for women to have body hair and I just don’t feel comfortable exposing my fuzz! 

But it is such a drag!!!!!!!!!  Isn’t it?  Keeping up with hair removal is a bore and continual hassle – not to mention embarrassing – as anyone who has endured a bikini wax knows – and let me just say those paper panties do not cover up a thing!  It is truly a mortifying experience trying to continue a conversation with one’s beautician while one’s practically naked bum is stuck up in the air! 

Needless to say I’m already longing for Autumn’s return when my bristles and I can hide away behind cardigans and trousers again.  

Bye y’all!

Sobbing in Public – it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I just want to say THANK YOU to the lovely lady in Aveda who offered me a hug (and bag full of free samples – yay!) yesterday. 

There was I, an emotional wreck, dry unkempt hair,  oily make-free skin strewn with blemish after blemish, tired sullen eyes with dark shadows so ominous and grey they were worthy of a tornado warning.   (Well everyone has a bad day don’t they?  I mean even Jennifer Lopez must have a rough day musn’t she?  Doesn’t she?… Maybe not…sigh.)

And there was she, Erin – Aveda Sales Assistant,  round and buxom, in a maternal way, reassuring wrinkles and dimples, greying hair swept back in a tidy chignon and wearing a pinny (you can never underestimate the comforting power of a pinny).

As I scanned the shelves, reaching out for the Eye Sift and Lift Cream, the Skin Armour Face Mask and rather intriguing Gumba Mamba Bath Oil, Erin handed me a cup of purifying Tea, which tasted so disgusting I knew it was good for me.   So frail was my emotional state that this simple gesture brought tears to my eyes.

“Aw,” she said in a warm sing-song voice, rather like a hen clucking to her chicks. “Do you need a hug?”

Ten minutes later, as my sobs rang out through the entire store and several potential customers had come and fled, I think she may have regretted the offer.  Eventually I pulled away reaching for an organic, non-bleached towelette and blew my nose.  The saleslady scanned her shoulder and patted it dry with a tissue. 

“Thanks ever so much,” I said. 

“Oh you’re welcome honey,” she replied.  At which point I began to sob quietly again.

“You…(sob)…are …(sniff)…so…(sob)…nice (small wail)…”

“Right…let’s see if we can find you some samples shall we?’  Erin muttered nervously. 

I collected my things together and as I left Erin handed me the rather generous bag of freebies  and a business-card.

“This is the number for my therapist…why don’t you give her a call?” She smiled, gently guiding my towards the door.

“Oh thanks but I don’t think I need a therapist! I feel much better now!”  I gushed.  And with a grin worthy of an American Idol Judge,  I was gone, on my way to Banana Republic and hopefully a super-stylish J-Lo make-over!

Ah there’s nothing to lift the spirits like a good old public sob!

Bye y’all!

Eyelash Horror!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I was watching telly the other day and a commercial comes on advertising an eyelash enhancer.  It wasn’t just your usual thickening mascara.  No, apparently this stuff makes you grow more eyelashes!  So there I am, munching on a crumpet, and there’s this lady prancing about, fluttering her eyelashes at the camera with a smug smile.  Meanwhile the voice-over is telling me all about deficient eye-lash growth and how I no longer have to feel embarrassed about poor, thin eyelashes anymore.  

Which would be a relief, except that up until that point I had actually not been at all worried about the state of my eyelashes.  I was happy  just slapping on a coat of volumizing charcoal mascara , content that my eyelashes were up to standard.  But no, apparently, that may not be the case!

So now I put down my crumpet and dash off to the bathroom for a quick look.  And as I’m peering at myself, and my possibly inferior quality eyelashes, I’m thinking:  is it not enough that we have to worry about the size of our stomach, the firmness of our upper-arm, and cellulite in our thighs?  Do we not have enough to work on trying to get our hair shiny, our boobs pert and our pores clear?  Is it not enough that we have to buff our backs and scrub our chins?  That we detox our rank insides by drinking foul-tasting tea and eating fat-free yoghurt? And that we use up half our salary on vitamins and spa treatments, and spend so long exercising that we sweat ourselves into a frenzy and scare the local dogs?

I mean really – can we not just be content with our piddly, insignificant EYELASHES?  

I go back into the TV, the voice-over is telling me that this new revolutionary eye-lash producer is now available in my local pharmacy.  Seriously?  Could the beauty experts, the serious looking men in white lab-coats, just not leave the eyelashes alone and give us just one, small area that is worry-free?  Apparently not!

Bye y’all!

A Good Heel Pummel

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, travel, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 24, 2010 by Ella Slayne

There really is nothing quite as rejuvenating as a good heel pummel!  It’s even better if you can pay someone else to do it, of course, but if you find, as I did recently, that you are in dire need of some dry skin removal with no spa facility available, it is actually still rather rewarding to chisel away at one’s own heels.

I may have mentioned before that my feet are disposed to drying out.  It is a sad truth that I am genetically prone to develop cracked heels – humph!  Well I say genetically prone but actually have no idea if anyone else in my family has dry feet – I mean it’s not the kind of thing you tend to discuss when you’re on a yearly visit back home.  “Ooh I love the new living room sofa  Aunty Val, by the way do you have cracked heels?”  You can try to take a peek of course,  but the fact is that people in the UK tend to wear socks most of the time so the chances for a heel scan are limited!

Anyway, to get back on track,  the reason for my dire flaky heel situation is that I have been camping.  It was one of those work bonding things, involving a Texas lake, various activities incorporating several wood constructions and a lot of bug spray.  I’m not sure that my rather round bottom hanging from the zip-liner was a pretty sight, and the rather panicky screeching was most likely off-putting, but the email from Head Office said it was compulsory, so what can you do?

There were some plus points, like the regular evening binge of chocolate and marshmallows by the fire and plentiful supply of red wine, which certainly made sleeping in a tent more bearable.  However having  no access to a hairdryer for four days is not ideal.  When I returned home, my hair looked like an unpruned privet hedge.  And of course there was the dry skin situation…hence the emergency slathering on of Intensive Rehydrating Body Gel – which was actually more like coating my skin in a layer of slime but did seem to work – and the aforementioned heel pummel!

I really do feel that  those company bonding sessions are overrated.  I mean what’s the real benefit of knowing that your colleagues pick their nose and fart like everybody else?  

Bye ya’ll!

A Conditioner Crisis!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 19, 2010 by Ella Slayne

I recently treated myself to a new hair shampoo and matching conditioner. It’s one of those ones that you can’t buy just anywhere.  You can only buy it in beauty spas and hair salons. Such exculsivity makes it terribly expensive and also somehow means it will have much better nourishing and volumizing properties than any of its cheaper competitors.  It’s strange isn’t it, how when you’re standing in the bright lights of the supermarket aisle it seems completely silly to spend $28 on a sea kelp enriched shampoo – somehow it wouldn’t  look right next to the deli-sliced ham and value pack loo roll –  but when you’re in the dimly lit spa, listening to the dulcet tones of Enya, having just had a Deep Cleansing Facial Mist, spending nearly $100 on hair products seems the only sensible thing to do?

So far it seems pretty good; smells nice, makes my hair feel soft  – which is a huge feat in itself because as I may have mentioned before my hair is prone to dry frizz.  There is a small problem however. 

The directions on the bottle of conditioner state very clearly that you have to leave it on for two minutes before rinsing off.  Which, quite frankly, has added a bit of stress to my morning routine.  I mean two minutes is pretty difficult to time in a shower – there is no clock in my bathroom and I do not wear a watch, waterproof or otherwise.  I use my phone for time-keeping which is most certainly not waterproof – I know this because I dropped it in a puddle once and it conked out on me. I had to buy a replacement in the end because even drying it out in the Texas sun could not bring it back to life!  Thank goodness I only buy the cheapest model VirginMobile has to offer, the stress of having a pricey cell would be too much for me to handle.  

Oops I’m rambling… so back to me, in the shower, with luxury conditioner on my head, trying to work out whether it has been there for two minutes or not.  There are things you can do to pass time of course, shave legs, exfoliate with a bamboo body brush or even do a quick mid-shower squeegee (see Feb post, Succumbing to the Squeegee) but how do I know if they take two minutes or not?  I’ve never timed such activities, obviously, and what if I accidently leave it on longer than that?  Will it start to burn my scalp?  Will it begin to over-condition perhaps?  And is that bad for my hair?  Then there’s the problem of not leaving it on long enough?  Does that mean I am not taking full advantage of all it’s super-conditioning sea kelp properties?   Am I then washing away all the goodness of the ocean down my hair-matted plughole?

Honestly, if the stuff has to be so expensive because it’s scientifically formulated, couldn’t the experts have spent a bit of time formulating it so it doesn’t have to be left on for two minutes – can’t be that difficult can it? After all they apprently worked out how to hydrate and condition every individual hair follicle

I wonder if I should have just bought a big bottle of Frizz Control Pantene instead…

Bye y’all!