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The Couric Interview

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Camera opens up on a studio, with a very modern set, Josie and Katie Couric sit opposite each other on two uncomfortable looking Euro-pop style chairs with just small, minimalist metal table between them.  The set lighting is stark to give the impression that this is serious journalism.

“Hello and welcome to Katie’s Fifteen Minutes Of Fame where I interview a rising star in the world of Art and Entertainment.  I am joined here today by Josie Jenkins, fictional character and winner of numerous blog awards.  Hello Josie, thank you for joining me today.”

“Thankyou for having me, Katie and may I just say that I have always been a fan, especially when you did that voice-over bit on Shark Tale  – you sounded great, even though you looked like a fish!”

“Oh thank you very much, it was a long time ago.” Katie looks a little embarrassed.  Josie, oblivious of course, continues.

“Yes I thought that was actually quite brave because you’re like a serious journalist – well semi-serious, I mean it’s hardly BBC is it? –  it could have totally screwed up your career.”

There is an uncomfortable pause.  Eventually Couric coughs. 

“Well we’re not here to talk about me.” (Forced smile) “Josie Jenkins you came from nothing, literally, and now have a career which spans across literature and film.  How are you coping with this new-found fame?”

Josie smiles, and looks like she is resisting the temptation to whoop loudly.  “Life has certainly changed but I think I’m coping okay.  Trying to keep my feet firmly on the ground.  I think it helps that I had a modest background.”

“Yes let’s just talk about that for a minute.  You are originally from the North of England and now currently live in Dallas, Texas.  That must be quite a contrast?”

“It is yes.  I was brought up in a semi-detached 1930’s house, my bedroom was probably the size of my current closet!”  She laughs.   “But you know, I was happy, even though I didn’t have an en suite bedroom.” (she sighs and looks wistfully to camera)  “Yes it was tough, but like I said, we were happy.”  She smiles and takes a sip of water.

“Recently you have been the subject of some tabloid interest and there are rumours that you and your creator, Ella Slayne, have had a falling-out.  Is that true?”  Couric glances down at her paper.  “In fact it seems she refused to take part in this interview when approached by CBS.”

“I’m glad you brought this up Katie because it gives me an opportunity finally put a stop to the nonsense that has been going around in the papers.  Ella Slayne and I are still very close and in touch with each other every day.  She is currently working on other projects – we both have our own lives to lead you know Katie.  And may I just add that I am also not a shoplifter either. It was an honest mistake, I was holding the Gucci dress in my hand when I rushed outside to say hello to an old friend.  The whole thing was blown completely out of proportion.  Crikey those places have major security systems – I had ringing in my ears for weeks after that! Oh and it was not a bottle of whiskey the police confiscated, it was a miniature bottle of orange liquor I’d been given on the plane to LA.”  Josie is fiddling with her hair, her cheeks are flushed.

Katie Couric smiles condescendingly.  “Let’s move onto a lighter note shall we?  It seems you have received not one but two awards recently.  Tell us about them.”

“Oh yes I’m so excited about this.  I’ve recently been given the One Lovely Blog award and the You’re Going Places award – and when Ella can work out how to transfer their pictures onto my blog page you’ll be able to see them. One of them has a rather fetching photo of Humphrey Bogart I believe!  They are both from Miss Rosemary, you should take a look at her blog, Katie, you might like it, it’s full of helpful ramblings and tips.  Here’s the link: I am so grateful to her for noticing me and acknowledging me in this way.”  Josie turns to camera. “I hope this televised thank you makes up for the fact that those very expensive chocolates I sent got lost in the post, ahem.”   

“And you are also working on a biography at the moment – is that right?”

“Yes I am! It’s called Jumping Off The Page  – the trials and tribulations of a fictional character.  I like to think of it as a life story from a different perspective, you know?”

“How are you finding the writing process?”

“Oh I’m not actually writing it myself!  No I’ve got someone in to do that for me.  Isn’t that what all the stars do?”

Couric turns to camera.  “I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for today.  Josie Jenkins thank you for joining me on Katie’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame.”  

As the camera pans out, we see Josie lean forward and point her nose towards Katie Couric and say: “Do I have a bogey up my nose?  Because if so, we’ll have to do the whole thing again…”