Archive for humor

Coming Soon…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, comedy, creative writing, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, romance, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…an interview with CALLUM DOHERTY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes you hear right people!  Hunk of HUGE proportions (ahem!): Callum Doherty is going to be answering some of YOUR burning questions right here on this blog! 

Questions like: “What’s it like to date Josie Jenkins?”  (Are we still dating in fact? Ooh a topic for book number two perhaps???)  

Or:“Is it true that you refused to take Josie to the movies again after she sobbed so loudly during Love and Other Drugs you were thrown out?”

And: “Do you prefer Josie with or without her Spanx?”  (Hang on a minute! Who put that in there?…  Can we cut that one out please?… Callum is NOT going to answer that ok?!)

If you have a burning question for Mr Doherty all you have to do is leave it in the comment box below and Barbara Walters (I mean Ella ) will gather them up into a probing and revealing interview!  (Not too revealing I hope – yikes! Can I just say Callum, that the farting episode in Neiman Marcus is off limits! OK? OFF LIMITS!)

Bye Y’all and get those questions in! 😉

A New Update – Josie Jenkins in hospital!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

We meet Fran Peters again, standing outside a hospital this time, looking concerned, she turns to the camera and begins to speak.  There is a man standing next to her, he is wearing a white doctor’s coat and had a stethoscope around his neck.  He looks at his watch impatiently.

Fran: “Good morning and welcome to News At Five Morning Update.  I am standing outside Forster’s Medical Center in Dallas where it appears that Josie Jenkins was admitted in the early hours of this morning.  With me now is Dr Drummer who apparently treated Miss Jenkins and can give us an update on her condition.”  Fran turns to the Dr Drummer, while her expression is rather grave, he looks a little irritated.

Fran: “Dr Drummer could you explain to us what happened this morning?”

Dr Drummer: “Yes, this morning Ms Jenkins drove herself to the Emergency Unit, convinced she was in the middle of a heart attack.” His tone is rather dry and he looks at his watch, obviously pressed for time.  “After she was examined, it became apparent that she was merely having a mild panic attack.”  Fran gasps.

Fran: “Can you tell us if Josie, I mean Miss Jenkins, is going to be ok?” She turns to the camera. “What was the cause of this… panic attack!”

Dr Drummer(not hiding his frustration): “Ms Jenkins is going to be perfectly fine! In fact she is enjoying a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, from our a la carte menu, at the moment.  The panic attack, actually hysteria might be a more appropriate word, seems to be a, rather pronounced, reaction to the fantastic review Molly at Reviews By Molly gave her book High-Heels And Slippers today.  Apparently she was overwhelmed by phrases such as: “A fantabulously, laugh-out-loud, AWESOME debut novel!” And “I absolutely, with out a doubt, recommend this story with 5 Books … for a fabtasterrific debut from a truly talented author!” (You can read the full review here: http://www.reviewsbymolly.com/2011/12/chicklitplus-blog-tour-review-high.html).  This caused her to hyperventilate, which she mistook to be the early signs of cardiac arrest.”

Fran: “Oh my! That must have been an awful experience for her! Dr Drummer will she be traumatized by this?”

Dr DRummer: “No.  In fact I think the other patients who have had to listen to her wails and sobs are more likely to need treatment for shock than Ms Jenkins.  Now, can I go? There is a man in C ward waiting for me to insert a catheter, poor guy hasn’t been able to pee for days.”  He turns to go without waiting for Fran’s reply. We hear him mumbling as he leaves “I’m trying to run a hospital here guys!  This isn’t TMZ!”

Fran (trying to talk over him): “Thank you Dr Drummer.  I’m sure everyone is pleased to hear that Josie Jenkins is going to be ok!” She sort of cries out the last bit, overcome with emotion, then tries to regain composure to add: “This is Fran Peters for News AT Five, about to go and buy a big bunch of flowers for Superstar Josie Jenkins!” She grins madly at the camera. We hear a rather loud, angry yell of “CUT!” The screen goes blank.

 

Another Great Review For High-Heels And Slippers and a new BFF for Josie!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have a new best friend! Michelle Bell @ http://lovelivejustjump.blogspot.com/2011/12/book-review-high-heels-and-slippers-by.html– thanks so much for the FAB review! If you ever find yourself in fictional character world, look me up and we can do lunch! 😉

In case you are too lazy to follow the link here’s what she said:  

I absolutely adored this book!! Josie is such a fun character. She puts her foot in her mouth frequently, she is a bit of a mess, but she is one of those characters that you just know would be your best friend if you met her.

Ella Slayne has such a charming voice to her story telling and I think I ran the gauntlet of emotions in this book. From the giddy moment of a realized crush to the heartbreaking realization that you can’t cure what ails everyone. Two very different leading men to tempt our Josie’s heart, Callum and Tom, make things very difficult. The supporting group of characters are a good combination and all bring a unique perspective to the story.

This is such a fun chick lit novel that I think everyone will love as much as I did. Ella Slayne has such talent and I hope we have something new soon from her.”

THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHELLE!!!!! 

You could have left out all the “Ella” mentions but that’s just my opinion of course…I mean there’s no need to actually refer to her in the reviews…all I’m saying is that we all know who the book is about don’t we? Me! Now where is that Ethan Allen catalogue…I think I need to order an expensive accent table now that I’m going up in the world! Has anyone made any coffee yet? Where’s my assistant?…Do I have an assistant yet?…No? Well I think I need a PA now…Ella, can we talk about this please? …Can you write me one in?… Hello?…. Ella?… Anyone there?…Oh.  She’s gone.

A bit of a monk on!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I don’t know if you are aware if the above phrase but let me just tell you it sums up my position at the moment pretty accurately!  It may be just a Northern thing but we tend to use it when someone is having a right old proper sulk…and that’s me at the moment.  Why so sullen Josie? I hear you cry.   Well I have been completely and utterly neglected of late.  You may have noticed that my blog posts have been few and far between.  It’s not been of my choosing but that of my creator, Ella Slayne, who seems to have been way too busy to stoop so low as to give me a voice over the past couple of weeks! 

Why so busy? Well apparently she’s been organising the High-Heels And Slippers book launch party and that, as well as attending various Halloween festivities (it’s alright for some – she is munching a Reese peanut butter pumpkin as we speak) has kept her somewhat aloof!  I have been cast aside in favour of venue hunting, invitation printing and high-heel shopping (I can partly understand that though because the lure of a good pair of high-heels is hard to resist).  

I appreciate that all this takes time but lets just take a moment to remember who the star of the show is here? ME!  JOSIE JENKINS! I am the heroine of the novel for goodness sakes and so it would seem wise and perhaps just a tad polite to give me some airtime during this whole book signing thing wouldn’t it? I mean, if it wasn’t for me there’d be no excuse for a new pair of Poetic Licence heels from Nordstrom would there? No!  There would be no reason to seek out a rather fashionable French patisserie in which to host a book signing do would there? No! And if it weren’t for me, there would be no point in inviting guests to come and enjoy tasty high-heel shaped cookies while milling around and waxing lyrical about women’s fiction would there? No!  

So all I’m saying is, Ella, when you’re schmoozing at your book signing don’t forget who got you there in the first place! Humph!

PS: and by the way, you’re never going to fit into that black dress if you keep eating fun size milky ways! Double Humph!

A question.

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, humor, life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

You know how they tell you that everyone’s feet and boobs are slightly different? Well does the same apply to ears? Because if so, that would explain why I can NEVER keep my left ear-phone in! So frustrating!!! Am I the only one with this problem?

Bye y’all!

Luxury – a Josie Jenkins quote.

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have become a bit of a quotaholic recently but here’s one of my own…a bit of a pearl of wisdom, even if I do say so myself. Using the term “one” gives it a certain amount of finesse I feel…

“Luxury is not simply being able to afford an expensive body lotion; it’s being able to slather it on as freely as one would a bottle of Johnson’s baby lotion.”

Josie Jenkins

Ha! Ha!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Saw this quote today:

If we were meant to talk more and listen less, we’d have one ear and two mouths.

Made me laugh! Actually reminded me of another quote:

Connect brain to mouth before speaking.

I wonder why I’ve heard the one before?…ahem!

Are you having a good day folks? I hope so! And if you’re having a bad day, I hope tomorrow’s better! 🙂

Bye y’all!