Archive for Hollywood

A New Update – Josie Jenkins in hospital!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

We meet Fran Peters again, standing outside a hospital this time, looking concerned, she turns to the camera and begins to speak.  There is a man standing next to her, he is wearing a white doctor’s coat and had a stethoscope around his neck.  He looks at his watch impatiently.

Fran: “Good morning and welcome to News At Five Morning Update.  I am standing outside Forster’s Medical Center in Dallas where it appears that Josie Jenkins was admitted in the early hours of this morning.  With me now is Dr Drummer who apparently treated Miss Jenkins and can give us an update on her condition.”  Fran turns to the Dr Drummer, while her expression is rather grave, he looks a little irritated.

Fran: “Dr Drummer could you explain to us what happened this morning?”

Dr Drummer: “Yes, this morning Ms Jenkins drove herself to the Emergency Unit, convinced she was in the middle of a heart attack.” His tone is rather dry and he looks at his watch, obviously pressed for time.  “After she was examined, it became apparent that she was merely having a mild panic attack.”  Fran gasps.

Fran: “Can you tell us if Josie, I mean Miss Jenkins, is going to be ok?” She turns to the camera. “What was the cause of this… panic attack!”

Dr Drummer(not hiding his frustration): “Ms Jenkins is going to be perfectly fine! In fact she is enjoying a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, from our a la carte menu, at the moment.  The panic attack, actually hysteria might be a more appropriate word, seems to be a, rather pronounced, reaction to the fantastic review Molly at Reviews By Molly gave her book High-Heels And Slippers today.  Apparently she was overwhelmed by phrases such as: “A fantabulously, laugh-out-loud, AWESOME debut novel!” And “I absolutely, with out a doubt, recommend this story with 5 Books … for a fabtasterrific debut from a truly talented author!” (You can read the full review here: http://www.reviewsbymolly.com/2011/12/chicklitplus-blog-tour-review-high.html).  This caused her to hyperventilate, which she mistook to be the early signs of cardiac arrest.”

Fran: “Oh my! That must have been an awful experience for her! Dr Drummer will she be traumatized by this?”

Dr DRummer: “No.  In fact I think the other patients who have had to listen to her wails and sobs are more likely to need treatment for shock than Ms Jenkins.  Now, can I go? There is a man in C ward waiting for me to insert a catheter, poor guy hasn’t been able to pee for days.”  He turns to go without waiting for Fran’s reply. We hear him mumbling as he leaves “I’m trying to run a hospital here guys!  This isn’t TMZ!”

Fran (trying to talk over him): “Thank you Dr Drummer.  I’m sure everyone is pleased to hear that Josie Jenkins is going to be ok!” She sort of cries out the last bit, overcome with emotion, then tries to regain composure to add: “This is Fran Peters for News AT Five, about to go and buy a big bunch of flowers for Superstar Josie Jenkins!” She grins madly at the camera. We hear a rather loud, angry yell of “CUT!” The screen goes blank.

 

Aha!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , on January 6, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I’ve found a New Year’s Resolution!  And I am going to share it publicly with you all on the blogosphere…

(Please imagine a fanfare of trumpets.)

From this day forth I, Josie Jenkins, will…DRINK MORE WATER! 

Yes I will force myself to down pints of the stuff in hopes of detoxifying, purifying and…enrichify (that may not actually be a real word) my body. 

I can see it now…in a year’s time I shall have the clear pale skin of Gwyneth Paltrow, the curvy-yet-toned body of Beyoncé and the long silky locks of Jennifer Aniston.  I shall be a complete babe  (or come to think of it, will that combination look a bit strange?) and all thanks to the humble glass of water!  Seems simple enough…in fact I have already drunk a whole litre bottle of Evian (only the best for me).

The only drawback is that I had to stop at three gas stations for a pee, on the way to work today, and ended up being forty-five minutes late – the boss was not entirely happy… 

Ah but it’s a small price to pay for Hollywood glamour methinks!

Bye y’all!

Highheels and Slippers receives the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blog Award!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2010 by Ella Slayne

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The following is a transcript of Josie Jenkins’ recent acceptance speech:

“Oh gosh!” Bashfully smiles to audience. “Really thank you so much.  I am truly honoured.” Gazes at award and swishes skirt of designer sequined gold dress. 

“I’d like to thank the Academy…I mean WordPress.com for recognizing the blogging industry and providing a forum where we are free to blog.” Emotional sharp intake of breath. 

“I’d like to thank Ella Slayne, of course, for creating me and giving me a voice.” Fights back tears. “Thank you Ella – you are my world…literally…” More skirt swishing with added hair fluffing.

Oh gosh honestly I just didn’t expect anything like this!  Wow!  Erm…I’d like to Jai Joshi at the Tulsi Tree for giving me this wonderful award.”  Calls out. “Where are you Jai?”  Peers out to audience, squinting under the bright lights. “Don’t be shy…I see you!” Waves at someone in the audience, blows theatrical kisses.  “Thanks babe!”  

 There is a pause. Josie wipes tears from her eyes.  Ushers are on stage anxiously waiting to escort her away, in the background, music begins to play.  Josie is oblivious to these cues and in a rather Dame Edna Everage sort of a way,  looks directly at camera. 

“But most of all I’d like to thank my fans, because without them, I’d just be a nobody floating around in blogging cyberspace  – so to all my fans I’d like to say thank you.” Patronising smile to camera.  “Thank you for making me a somebody, a somebody with Hollywood hair  and a Vera Wang dress – even if it is only for one night.  Apparently Julienne Moore is wearing this at some charity do next week and they need a few days to take it in.” There is a small cough as Josie strokes her stomach.   

“Really this has been the best day of my life! If you don’t count the one when you-know-who asked me out on a date.  Oh I forgot you don’t know about that yet – you’ll have to wait for the book!”  Ushers move closer.  “No really I am so grateful – though not as grateful as I am to Vidal Sassoon for making the best hair de-frizzer I’ve ever found or to my local supermarket for stocking Cadbury’s Curly Wurlies!” The ushers are now moving in and look aghast as Josie continues.

 “Oh and I also want to thank my best friend Becky – I know you’re watching at home –  who was kind enough to lend me her Revitalizing Rescue Face Pack last night after I found a spot forming on my nose.  That stuff really works. You can’t see it now at all.” She rubs finger over tip of nose.  “There’s just a small bump.  Amazing really because it looked like it was going to be huge!”

The ushers finally move forward and swiftly take Josie’s arms.  As she is escorted off the stage Josie cries: “Thank you!”  And then turns to the ushers, forgetting she is wearing a mic: “Do I get to sit back next to Ryan Seacrest now?  He’s even better looking in real life isn’t he?”