Archive for fictional

A New Update – Josie Jenkins in hospital!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

We meet Fran Peters again, standing outside a hospital this time, looking concerned, she turns to the camera and begins to speak.  There is a man standing next to her, he is wearing a white doctor’s coat and had a stethoscope around his neck.  He looks at his watch impatiently.

Fran: “Good morning and welcome to News At Five Morning Update.  I am standing outside Forster’s Medical Center in Dallas where it appears that Josie Jenkins was admitted in the early hours of this morning.  With me now is Dr Drummer who apparently treated Miss Jenkins and can give us an update on her condition.”  Fran turns to the Dr Drummer, while her expression is rather grave, he looks a little irritated.

Fran: “Dr Drummer could you explain to us what happened this morning?”

Dr Drummer: “Yes, this morning Ms Jenkins drove herself to the Emergency Unit, convinced she was in the middle of a heart attack.” His tone is rather dry and he looks at his watch, obviously pressed for time.  “After she was examined, it became apparent that she was merely having a mild panic attack.”  Fran gasps.

Fran: “Can you tell us if Josie, I mean Miss Jenkins, is going to be ok?” She turns to the camera. “What was the cause of this… panic attack!”

Dr Drummer(not hiding his frustration): “Ms Jenkins is going to be perfectly fine! In fact she is enjoying a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, from our a la carte menu, at the moment.  The panic attack, actually hysteria might be a more appropriate word, seems to be a, rather pronounced, reaction to the fantastic review Molly at Reviews By Molly gave her book High-Heels And Slippers today.  Apparently she was overwhelmed by phrases such as: “A fantabulously, laugh-out-loud, AWESOME debut novel!” And “I absolutely, with out a doubt, recommend this story with 5 Books … for a fabtasterrific debut from a truly talented author!” (You can read the full review here: http://www.reviewsbymolly.com/2011/12/chicklitplus-blog-tour-review-high.html).  This caused her to hyperventilate, which she mistook to be the early signs of cardiac arrest.”

Fran: “Oh my! That must have been an awful experience for her! Dr Drummer will she be traumatized by this?”

Dr DRummer: “No.  In fact I think the other patients who have had to listen to her wails and sobs are more likely to need treatment for shock than Ms Jenkins.  Now, can I go? There is a man in C ward waiting for me to insert a catheter, poor guy hasn’t been able to pee for days.”  He turns to go without waiting for Fran’s reply. We hear him mumbling as he leaves “I’m trying to run a hospital here guys!  This isn’t TMZ!”

Fran (trying to talk over him): “Thank you Dr Drummer.  I’m sure everyone is pleased to hear that Josie Jenkins is going to be ok!” She sort of cries out the last bit, overcome with emotion, then tries to regain composure to add: “This is Fran Peters for News AT Five, about to go and buy a big bunch of flowers for Superstar Josie Jenkins!” She grins madly at the camera. We hear a rather loud, angry yell of “CUT!” The screen goes blank.

 

Josie Jenkins Responds to First Official Review!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Imagine a news reporter standing outside an apartment block, she is surrounded by photographers, although the temperature is chilly, the sun is blinding and so everyone is wearing shades  along with their winter coats.  There is a podium set in front of the main door to the apartment block and the crowd of people are poised waiting for the arrival of… Josie Jenkins!

Reporter: “Hello, my name is Fran Peters and I am standing here in sunny Dallas waiting for the arrival of famed heroine and fictional character, Josie Jenkins.  High-Heels And Slippers is now officially on tour and News At Five is first on the scene to find out what Ms Jenkins thinks of the first review.”  The crowd begins to jostle and there is sign of movement behind the glass door.   The reporter continues in an excited voice: “Well it seems that Ms Jenkins may be coming out now to speak to us.  She was expected to appear over half an hour ago but apparently was held up by a rather unsightly battle with a pair of spanx…”

The reporter is temporarily cut off by a frantic crowd.  She struggles to keep hold of her mic but manages to get back in position in front of the podium just in time as the door opens and a porter comes out, ready to fend off the photographers who immediately lunge forward with their camera flashing. We catch a glimpse of a head of brown curls ducking down away from the flashing cameras.  All around the crowd yell out deafening cries of “Josie! Josie!” and “Look up Josie!”  Eventually the curls reach the podium and the crowd quietens as she lifts her head to reveal a large pair of sunglasses and bright red lips. 

This is Josie Jenkins.  She is wearing what appears to be a fur coat with a pale green silk scarf tied around her neck.  There is a definite look of Grace Kelly about her and she stares out at the crowd with a solemn expression.   Fran Peters gingerly steps up towards the podium.

Fran Peters (obviously a little in awe of Josie’s huge celebrity status): “Ms Jenkins…Ms Jenkins… High-Heels and Slippers has just received its first official review today by… (she glances down at her papers and reads) Rea at http://reabookreview.blogspot.com/.  How does it feel to have your life story out in the public eye?”

Josie Jenkins: (assuming a rather affected tone, reminiscent of 1950’s BBC television presenters) “First of all may I say how grateful I am to Ms Rae for presenting her candid review of High-Heels And Slippers to the world. While the weak among us may feel vulnerable and ill at ease at having their life story judged in this way, I prefer to embrace it.” She looks off into the distance, tilting her head slightly.  There is an air of a politician about her and the photographers go wild trying to capture her image.  Josie leans forward and says conspiratorially into the mic: “Besides did you know she’s a beauty therapist? I’m banking on a discount!”  The crowd laughs. “I’m thinking half price hair removal ladies!” The crowd laughs again, wooed by Josie’s charms.

Fran Peters (trying to regain some control on the interview):  “Er…Ms Rae has written that High-Heels And Slippers is an entertaining and enjoyable read; how does this make you feel?”

Josie Jenkins (smiling): “Ella and I are, of course, ecstatic about it!” She removes her shades with dramatic flair and flashes a  Hollywood-sized grin at the crowd.  They go bananas and there is a clatter of camera clicks!   

Fran Peters: “And Ms Jenkins how do you feel about the suggestion that there could be more character development between yourself and … (again she looks down at her papers) Callum Doherty?”  The crowd yell out in protest. There are cries of  “Boo!” and “No way!”  Josie smiles and raises her hands to silence them.

Josie Jenkins: “Quiet!…Please…quiet…let me answer the question.” The crowd calms down and Josie continues, adopting a deep serious tone: “This has been an emotional journey for me and one that I had to make, for the most part, on my own.  That is not to say that Callum Doherty was not an important part of that journey…but it was my…journey to make.” She pauses, searching for words. “And lets face it…sometimes we all have a journey to make…on our own… mostly…and that’s what High-Heels And Slippers is all about…it’s about the journey I make, partly with Callum but…mostly…on my own….”  The crowd is quiet, Josie looks a little bewildered and adds:  “By the way I’d just like to point out that this coat is NOT real fur it’s just really good quality fake.” There is a lone cry of  “We love you Josie!” by a mad fan standing on the railing fence next to the swimming pool.  Somebody pulls him down and there is a scuffle.

Josie regains her composure, adding in a girly squeak: “Remember people: it ain’t over till the fat lady sings! Watch out for the sequel: High-Heels And Diamonds!” Then she winks, throwing her hair back and replacing her over-sized shades.  The porter reappears and bundles her away.  Meanwhile the crowd push after her.  Josie is stumbling and her voice can be heard yelling “Oh for God’s sakes, someone just trod on my Jimmy Choo’s!” and “Quick get me out of here; I think my hair is beginning to frizz!” 

The camera quickly moves back to Fran who is grinning: “Once again we have a News At Five exclusive: Josie Jenkins has revealed here today that there WILL be a sequel to High-Heels And Slippers! And I think a great name for that book would actually be something like: “Josie Jenkins and her new best friend Fran, go on adventure!” We can see a hand waving the wind-it-up gesture frantically to the side of Fran.  “Or: High-Heels and Television Reporters!”  Someone yells “Cut!” and the screen goes blank.

A question.

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, humor, life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

You know how they tell you that everyone’s feet and boobs are slightly different? Well does the same apply to ears? Because if so, that would explain why I can NEVER keep my left ear-phone in! So frustrating!!! Am I the only one with this problem?

Bye y’all!

Never underestimate…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…The nourishing power of a hot bath (especially in the afternoon;such luxury), a warm towellette (you know, like the ones they give on long-haul flights. Aah…), the taste of strawberry jam on a piece of just-buttered toast…oh and a good quality deodorant!

Speaking of deodorant…can I just say to the lady in Bodyshop that: “You lied!” I don’t care how many volcanic properties there are in it, it did NOT work for me – humph!

Bye y’all!

Josie Jenkins At Large (Second time around!)

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Now, when I say “Josie Jenkins At Large” – I want to clarify that I mean metaphorically speaking – I’m only a dress size ten,which apparently, is a national average so while I’m not exactly of supermodel proportions, I’m not a hippo either!

So what I mean by at large is sort of a here I am kind of thing I suppose. Except I’m not actually real, I’m a character created by Ella Slayne – this new writer – who chose to write a whole book about me! Hugely flattering of course! Although she’s in the middle of rewrites at the moment and still yet to get the thing published – in fact it hasn’t even got a proper name – but it will be great…you know…when it actually comes out. I hope. Otherwise it could be incredibly embarrassing and I’ll be left here on this blog as a nobody who appears to think they were a somebody once when in fact they were just a wannabe/mighthavebeen person.

It’s also a tad invasive if I’m honest – she knows me warts n’all which isn’t always a good thing! So while this blog is supposed to promote the book, I have to say there is a small part of me – well tiny really – that hopes it fails miserably because there are just some areas of one’s life you like to remain private, if you know what I mean?! However the bigger part of me is just desperate for the Oprah interview of course and now that she’s leaving telly, the pressure is really on. So Ella – don’t let me down here!

Sorry I’m rambling a bit – I do have a tendancy to veer of topic! I have a feeling it must be incredibly irritating and so I’m ever grateful for the smattering of people in my life so far, who put up with me and my rambles – Becky, that one goes out to you baby!

So back to this blogging thing which is completely new to me and to be honest I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing! Which is why there is no photo or anything on here yet – I am going to have dig something out but could take me a while to find anything suitable – in general I don’t tend to be photogenic -I blame it on my frizzy hair but the odd chin pimple doesn’t help either!

Actually I’m a bit of technophobe – so the chances of me ever working out how to post a photo, are slim. I’m the type of person who rarely even sends texts because it takes me so long to write them -usually with no punctuation or spaces. But, they tell me that blogging is all the rage – OMG I sound like my Granny – so I agreed to go along with it!

Anyway, it ocurred to me, when I was indulging in a lovely homemade geranium and parsley bath soak – got the idea from a Herbals At Home book my Mum gave me for Christmas – most of the stuff in it is total crap, like the recepie for an oatmeal and mustard facepack – I don’t even like mustard with my steak, never mind smeared all over my face, so am certainly not trying that one – but the bath soak is actually quite nice and as I already had an old bottle of geranium essential oil knocking about and a bag of parsely in the freezer, I thought: why not? An unsightly skin irriation, due to misreading the quantities of essential oil, could be one reason but I won’t dwell on that… after all the sunflower oil and wheatbran cream seemed to help…it’s amazing what you can find in the kitchen cupboards.

So, as I was saying, it occurred to me that – and I apologise if this is stating the obvious for all the seasoned bloggers out there – blogging is a sort of an online diary. You write down all your personal thoughts and observations – like how it worries me that President Obama’s hair is already loads greyer since he became President and that the same thing happened to Tony Blair, who started off as a bit debonair and handsome too but eventually began to look as grey and wizened as the rest of them – politics saps the life out of you, it seems – so you write this sort of thing down but instead of using a glistening chrome Paperchase pen with matching notebook and tucking it in the drawer of your bedside cabinet, you put it on the internet for anyone and everyone to read! It’s like the introvert/extrovert’s dream really!

I’ll shall have to go in a minute – I put the kettle on and am gagging for a cuppa – a Brit through and through, I’m never far away from a cup of tea. Thank goodness for the international aisle at the local supermarket, I’d be lost if I couldn’t get my PGTips! And after living here in the States for over ten years I simply cannot get the hang of iced tea, not even in the summer – all that cold liquid makes my stomach blow up like a balloon!

A Englishman in New York – that’s what I suggested for the title of the blog – except that I’m not a bloke, I’m female and I’m not in New York – unfortunately – I’m in Texas – which apparently is quite a bit different from New York – yeah so not really the best title!

Which is probably why Ella plumped for High Heels and Slippers instead sums me up. By day I’m a Company Executive – even if it is only temporary – wobbling around in high heels and by night sofa-snuggler in fleece-lined slippers – because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s cold feet!

Not sure how I will end these blog entries – I like the idea of developing some kind of catchphrase – you know like famous comedians do – although the only one I can think of right now is from the bloke who used to be on Crackerjack and say: ooh I could crush a grape! Not really the level of sophistication I was aiming for.

On the other extreme I suppose I could sign off newsreporter style: This is Josie Jenkins for High Heels and Slippers saying goodnight. But that’s not right either.

So perhaps I’ll just use that good old Texan phrase I’ve grown to know and love: bye y’all!

Josie’s Quick Take on the Royal Wedding!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Oh the Royal Wedding – what a do! 

Kate looked divine and so elegant – it is hard not to be in awe.  William looked dapper and completely in love which was just adorable! 

But my oh my what about some of those hats?????  A collection of different coloured satellite dishes!

The Queen looked fabulous – as always impeccable taste.

David Beckham was … well handsome of course! Posh Spice was so serious (cheer up love) and WHO ON EARTH was responsible for advising Beatrice and Eugene on their outfits?  They looked ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

What did y’all think? 😉

Josie’s Quick Tips! No.1…

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Ella is trying out a new thing, apparently.  From now on, occasionally, I am to deliver a witty and pithy Quick Tip.  Sort of in the style of Good Housekeeping, so you can imagine me with 1950’s style hair, wearing an apron if you like and talking in a very clipped Queen’s English.   She would probably say it is a way of revealing more layers to my fictional personality however if you ask me, it’s just an excuse for not writing a proper blog.   For the time being though we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, because let’s face it, it must be pretty taxing on the old brain to have to think up lengthy blog posts every week musn’t it?  So glad it’s not up to me – I can’t even handle the odd tweet!

Anyway here it is:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1:

If you’re tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans, or even your relaxed fit jeans for that matter  (in which case I suggest some form of exercise because the whole point of the relaxed fit is that they looked relaxed and not as if they are restricting your ability to breathe!  So if your relaxed fit jeans are tight, you probably need to do something about it which involves a sport’s bra and a pair of leggings – although not if you’re a bloke because then a sport’s bra is a bit pointless, unless you have a case of the man-boobs, although, even then a bra should NOT be worn – I’m afraid you just have to brave out the man-boob droop really – oops these are supposed to be pithy! )  Let’s start again:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1: (take two)

If your tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans or even your relaxed fit jeans – ok let’s just say ANY jeans – while you are seated at the dinner table, try standing up to eat instead.  It’s a lot more comfortable and although it may appear a tad anti-social, rest assured,  it is in fact a lot better than subjecting your fellow diners to a floppy role of gut which will no doubt put them off their over-sized bowl of tagliatelle!  (Oh and maybe cut down on the carbs too…)

Bye y’all!