Archive for cosmetics

Luxury – a Josie Jenkins quote.

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have become a bit of a quotaholic recently but here’s one of my own…a bit of a pearl of wisdom, even if I do say so myself. Using the term “one” gives it a certain amount of finesse I feel…

“Luxury is not simply being able to afford an expensive body lotion; it’s being able to slather it on as freely as one would a bottle of Johnson’s baby lotion.”

Josie Jenkins

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Beware The Home Remedy!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2010 by Ella Slayne

You’re probably aware by now that I’m a fan of toiletries.  I admit it, unashamedly, I love all that stuff – lotions and potions that claim to do all sorts of wonderful things like detoxify or purify.  My real weakness has to be body lotion, although a good eye cream is hard to resist.  

Yes I have absolutely stacks of toiletries in my bathroom – in fact there’s hardly any room for the toothpaste.  I’ve got the classics like Coconut Cream and Lavender Lotion and I’ve got the exotics like Jasmine and Orchid Essence. I’ve  even got one or two rather odd sounding creams like  Flax-Seed and Nutmeg Anti-Wrinkle Emolient and Gherkin Green-Tea Lengthening Lotion (no, not really but you get the idea). 

We all know, it can get pretty surreal when you venture out into the world of natural remedies and I really believed that I was prepared to try anything, anything,  if it promised me a wrinkle free chin!

 But now I realise, I have met my match.  As of today, I hold up my hands and surrender to the Natural Remedy Slayer! 

It all happened while I was absent mindedly flicking through my book of Home Remedies  – a freebie from the lovely people at National Public Radio – I could have had a Think mug with Krys Boyd’s face on it, but that required a donation of over a hundred dollars and quite frankly I wasn’t prepared to go that far! 

Anyway,  after finding out that ginger was good at relieving migraines and mayonnaise was perfect for suffocating head-lice (who knew?), I happened to stumble on a section entitled Barnyard Remedies For Dry Skin.  The title itself should have been a warning sign. 

And this folks, is what they suggest for dry skin:  Bag Balm!  Also known as… UDDER CREAM

Honestly people,  are you suggesting I cover my body with the same stuff used to soothe the chapped udders of cows?Really?  And get this: apparently it has the drawback of being “greasy and smelly” to boot!  I mean, way to sell it guys!   Let me just call the Dairy Association right now and see if they have any spare tubs!

Now I have done some pretty strange things in the name of beauty – like smear mashed watercress and honeyed oatmeal on my face.  I’ve even slopped french vanilla yoghurt you-know-where! (Well haven’t we all? No? Oh… is that just an old wives tale then?!)

But this?  Advocating the use cow NIPPLE cream?  This is crossing the line!  Crossing–the–line!

Bye y’all!