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A New Update – Josie Jenkins in hospital!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

We meet Fran Peters again, standing outside a hospital this time, looking concerned, she turns to the camera and begins to speak.  There is a man standing next to her, he is wearing a white doctor’s coat and had a stethoscope around his neck.  He looks at his watch impatiently.

Fran: “Good morning and welcome to News At Five Morning Update.  I am standing outside Forster’s Medical Center in Dallas where it appears that Josie Jenkins was admitted in the early hours of this morning.  With me now is Dr Drummer who apparently treated Miss Jenkins and can give us an update on her condition.”  Fran turns to the Dr Drummer, while her expression is rather grave, he looks a little irritated.

Fran: “Dr Drummer could you explain to us what happened this morning?”

Dr Drummer: “Yes, this morning Ms Jenkins drove herself to the Emergency Unit, convinced she was in the middle of a heart attack.” His tone is rather dry and he looks at his watch, obviously pressed for time.  “After she was examined, it became apparent that she was merely having a mild panic attack.”  Fran gasps.

Fran: “Can you tell us if Josie, I mean Miss Jenkins, is going to be ok?” She turns to the camera. “What was the cause of this… panic attack!”

Dr Drummer(not hiding his frustration): “Ms Jenkins is going to be perfectly fine! In fact she is enjoying a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, from our a la carte menu, at the moment.  The panic attack, actually hysteria might be a more appropriate word, seems to be a, rather pronounced, reaction to the fantastic review Molly at Reviews By Molly gave her book High-Heels And Slippers today.  Apparently she was overwhelmed by phrases such as: “A fantabulously, laugh-out-loud, AWESOME debut novel!” And “I absolutely, with out a doubt, recommend this story with 5 Books … for a fabtasterrific debut from a truly talented author!” (You can read the full review here: http://www.reviewsbymolly.com/2011/12/chicklitplus-blog-tour-review-high.html).  This caused her to hyperventilate, which she mistook to be the early signs of cardiac arrest.”

Fran: “Oh my! That must have been an awful experience for her! Dr Drummer will she be traumatized by this?”

Dr DRummer: “No.  In fact I think the other patients who have had to listen to her wails and sobs are more likely to need treatment for shock than Ms Jenkins.  Now, can I go? There is a man in C ward waiting for me to insert a catheter, poor guy hasn’t been able to pee for days.”  He turns to go without waiting for Fran’s reply. We hear him mumbling as he leaves “I’m trying to run a hospital here guys!  This isn’t TMZ!”

Fran (trying to talk over him): “Thank you Dr Drummer.  I’m sure everyone is pleased to hear that Josie Jenkins is going to be ok!” She sort of cries out the last bit, overcome with emotion, then tries to regain composure to add: “This is Fran Peters for News AT Five, about to go and buy a big bunch of flowers for Superstar Josie Jenkins!” She grins madly at the camera. We hear a rather loud, angry yell of “CUT!” The screen goes blank.

 

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Soap, soap…and more soap!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Over the past few days I have come across fourteen different types of bars of soaps, in various establishments – restaurants, hotel rooms (yes I have been away at last.  Business or pleasure? Was I alone?  Ah you’ll have to wait and see…), other people’s houses (not that I snoop or anything!)  

Anyway, who knew there were so many?  So that you too can be soap savvy, I have listed them below…

face soap (Something with such a plain title as this, is not going anywhere near my face!)

body soap

hand soap

bath soap (Isn’t this just a posh way of saying bog-standard,average soap?)

face scub bar (Be careful here – one doesn’t want to risk looking like one has had a chemical peel!)

body scrub bar

gentle soap (Much needed after all that scrubbing!)

extra gentle soap (Well some of us have more sensitive skin…)

cleansing bar (Aah…the word cleansing is so comforting isn’t it?)

body bar

detoxifying bar (Oh yes  – always happy to detox!)

moisturizing soap bar for face

moisturizing soap bar for body (Your all-over skin condition has got to pretty poor to need this one – are we feeling a bit flaky dear?)

refreshing soap

luxury soap (Well that’s more like it!  Just tell me it’s enriched with almond oil and avocado and I’m all yours!)

And I haven’t even started on fragrance or liquid soaps!  Now where is that soap dispenser…

Bye y’all!

Public Nose Picking!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have seen three people picking their nose in their cars today.  Two blokes, one woman.  Now, I just want to make it clear that I’m not judging – as far as I’m concerned your bogey’s are your own affair.  It doesn’t matter to me if you choose to have an indulgent dig around.  After all, I would much rather you move an offending bleg than leave it hanging there for all to see.  Really.  There’s nothing worse than chatting over coffee opposite someone with dangling nasal mucus. So I totally understand that on occasion it may be necessary to do a quick pick – in private

Therefore let this posting simply serve as a candid reminder to all, that even though you may feel invisible inside the metal bubble of a Honda Odyssey or a Chevy Tahoe, even a racy Mazda, you are in fact quite visible, due to those glass features known as windows and the fact that  Harry Potter’s Invisible cloak is not, in fact, a reality.

 Thus, I can actually see you delving among the chasms of your nostrils as we wait in line for the lights to change.  I can also see you roll any items you may find lurking in your hooter between your fingers before flicking it away.  And, to the lady with the blonde highlights and diamante embossed pink t-shirt (not hugely stylish but I won’t hold that against you) I would just like to say that it really doesn’t bother me if you choose to ingest such findings, really. It doesn’t make you a bad person – I just don’t want to see you do it!   

Just off to get a snack…although my Broccoli and Cheddar Soup somehow seems less appealing all of a sudden!

Bye y’all!