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Coming Soon…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, comedy, creative writing, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, romance, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…an interview with CALLUM DOHERTY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes you hear right people!  Hunk of HUGE proportions (ahem!): Callum Doherty is going to be answering some of YOUR burning questions right here on this blog! 

Questions like: “What’s it like to date Josie Jenkins?”  (Are we still dating in fact? Ooh a topic for book number two perhaps???)  

Or:“Is it true that you refused to take Josie to the movies again after she sobbed so loudly during Love and Other Drugs you were thrown out?”

And: “Do you prefer Josie with or without her Spanx?”  (Hang on a minute! Who put that in there?…  Can we cut that one out please?… Callum is NOT going to answer that ok?!)

If you have a burning question for Mr Doherty all you have to do is leave it in the comment box below and Barbara Walters (I mean Ella ) will gather them up into a probing and revealing interview!  (Not too revealing I hope – yikes! Can I just say Callum, that the farting episode in Neiman Marcus is off limits! OK? OFF LIMITS!)

Bye Y’all and get those questions in! 😉

A New Update – Josie Jenkins in hospital!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Ella Slayne

We meet Fran Peters again, standing outside a hospital this time, looking concerned, she turns to the camera and begins to speak.  There is a man standing next to her, he is wearing a white doctor’s coat and had a stethoscope around his neck.  He looks at his watch impatiently.

Fran: “Good morning and welcome to News At Five Morning Update.  I am standing outside Forster’s Medical Center in Dallas where it appears that Josie Jenkins was admitted in the early hours of this morning.  With me now is Dr Drummer who apparently treated Miss Jenkins and can give us an update on her condition.”  Fran turns to the Dr Drummer, while her expression is rather grave, he looks a little irritated.

Fran: “Dr Drummer could you explain to us what happened this morning?”

Dr Drummer: “Yes, this morning Ms Jenkins drove herself to the Emergency Unit, convinced she was in the middle of a heart attack.” His tone is rather dry and he looks at his watch, obviously pressed for time.  “After she was examined, it became apparent that she was merely having a mild panic attack.”  Fran gasps.

Fran: “Can you tell us if Josie, I mean Miss Jenkins, is going to be ok?” She turns to the camera. “What was the cause of this… panic attack!”

Dr Drummer(not hiding his frustration): “Ms Jenkins is going to be perfectly fine! In fact she is enjoying a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, from our a la carte menu, at the moment.  The panic attack, actually hysteria might be a more appropriate word, seems to be a, rather pronounced, reaction to the fantastic review Molly at Reviews By Molly gave her book High-Heels And Slippers today.  Apparently she was overwhelmed by phrases such as: “A fantabulously, laugh-out-loud, AWESOME debut novel!” And “I absolutely, with out a doubt, recommend this story with 5 Books … for a fabtasterrific debut from a truly talented author!” (You can read the full review here: http://www.reviewsbymolly.com/2011/12/chicklitplus-blog-tour-review-high.html).  This caused her to hyperventilate, which she mistook to be the early signs of cardiac arrest.”

Fran: “Oh my! That must have been an awful experience for her! Dr Drummer will she be traumatized by this?”

Dr DRummer: “No.  In fact I think the other patients who have had to listen to her wails and sobs are more likely to need treatment for shock than Ms Jenkins.  Now, can I go? There is a man in C ward waiting for me to insert a catheter, poor guy hasn’t been able to pee for days.”  He turns to go without waiting for Fran’s reply. We hear him mumbling as he leaves “I’m trying to run a hospital here guys!  This isn’t TMZ!”

Fran (trying to talk over him): “Thank you Dr Drummer.  I’m sure everyone is pleased to hear that Josie Jenkins is going to be ok!” She sort of cries out the last bit, overcome with emotion, then tries to regain composure to add: “This is Fran Peters for News AT Five, about to go and buy a big bunch of flowers for Superstar Josie Jenkins!” She grins madly at the camera. We hear a rather loud, angry yell of “CUT!” The screen goes blank.

 

Another Great Review For High-Heels And Slippers and a new BFF for Josie!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have a new best friend! Michelle Bell @ http://lovelivejustjump.blogspot.com/2011/12/book-review-high-heels-and-slippers-by.html– thanks so much for the FAB review! If you ever find yourself in fictional character world, look me up and we can do lunch! 😉

In case you are too lazy to follow the link here’s what she said:  

I absolutely adored this book!! Josie is such a fun character. She puts her foot in her mouth frequently, she is a bit of a mess, but she is one of those characters that you just know would be your best friend if you met her.

Ella Slayne has such a charming voice to her story telling and I think I ran the gauntlet of emotions in this book. From the giddy moment of a realized crush to the heartbreaking realization that you can’t cure what ails everyone. Two very different leading men to tempt our Josie’s heart, Callum and Tom, make things very difficult. The supporting group of characters are a good combination and all bring a unique perspective to the story.

This is such a fun chick lit novel that I think everyone will love as much as I did. Ella Slayne has such talent and I hope we have something new soon from her.”

THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHELLE!!!!! 

You could have left out all the “Ella” mentions but that’s just my opinion of course…I mean there’s no need to actually refer to her in the reviews…all I’m saying is that we all know who the book is about don’t we? Me! Now where is that Ethan Allen catalogue…I think I need to order an expensive accent table now that I’m going up in the world! Has anyone made any coffee yet? Where’s my assistant?…Do I have an assistant yet?…No? Well I think I need a PA now…Ella, can we talk about this please? …Can you write me one in?… Hello?…. Ella?… Anyone there?…Oh.  She’s gone.

Ha! Ha!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Saw this quote today:

If we were meant to talk more and listen less, we’d have one ear and two mouths.

Made me laugh! Actually reminded me of another quote:

Connect brain to mouth before speaking.

I wonder why I’ve heard the one before?…ahem!

Are you having a good day folks? I hope so! And if you’re having a bad day, I hope tomorrow’s better! 🙂

Bye y’all!

Sobbing in Public – it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I just want to say THANK YOU to the lovely lady in Aveda who offered me a hug (and bag full of free samples – yay!) yesterday. 

There was I, an emotional wreck, dry unkempt hair,  oily make-free skin strewn with blemish after blemish, tired sullen eyes with dark shadows so ominous and grey they were worthy of a tornado warning.   (Well everyone has a bad day don’t they?  I mean even Jennifer Lopez must have a rough day musn’t she?  Doesn’t she?… Maybe not…sigh.)

And there was she, Erin – Aveda Sales Assistant,  round and buxom, in a maternal way, reassuring wrinkles and dimples, greying hair swept back in a tidy chignon and wearing a pinny (you can never underestimate the comforting power of a pinny).

As I scanned the shelves, reaching out for the Eye Sift and Lift Cream, the Skin Armour Face Mask and rather intriguing Gumba Mamba Bath Oil, Erin handed me a cup of purifying Tea, which tasted so disgusting I knew it was good for me.   So frail was my emotional state that this simple gesture brought tears to my eyes.

“Aw,” she said in a warm sing-song voice, rather like a hen clucking to her chicks. “Do you need a hug?”

Ten minutes later, as my sobs rang out through the entire store and several potential customers had come and fled, I think she may have regretted the offer.  Eventually I pulled away reaching for an organic, non-bleached towelette and blew my nose.  The saleslady scanned her shoulder and patted it dry with a tissue. 

“Thanks ever so much,” I said. 

“Oh you’re welcome honey,” she replied.  At which point I began to sob quietly again.

“You…(sob)…are …(sniff)…so…(sob)…nice (small wail)…”

“Right…let’s see if we can find you some samples shall we?’  Erin muttered nervously. 

I collected my things together and as I left Erin handed me the rather generous bag of freebies  and a business-card.

“This is the number for my therapist…why don’t you give her a call?” She smiled, gently guiding my towards the door.

“Oh thanks but I don’t think I need a therapist! I feel much better now!”  I gushed.  And with a grin worthy of an American Idol Judge,  I was gone, on my way to Banana Republic and hopefully a super-stylish J-Lo make-over!

Ah there’s nothing to lift the spirits like a good old public sob!

Bye y’all!

Public Nose Picking!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I have seen three people picking their nose in their cars today.  Two blokes, one woman.  Now, I just want to make it clear that I’m not judging – as far as I’m concerned your bogey’s are your own affair.  It doesn’t matter to me if you choose to have an indulgent dig around.  After all, I would much rather you move an offending bleg than leave it hanging there for all to see.  Really.  There’s nothing worse than chatting over coffee opposite someone with dangling nasal mucus. So I totally understand that on occasion it may be necessary to do a quick pick – in private

Therefore let this posting simply serve as a candid reminder to all, that even though you may feel invisible inside the metal bubble of a Honda Odyssey or a Chevy Tahoe, even a racy Mazda, you are in fact quite visible, due to those glass features known as windows and the fact that  Harry Potter’s Invisible cloak is not, in fact, a reality.

 Thus, I can actually see you delving among the chasms of your nostrils as we wait in line for the lights to change.  I can also see you roll any items you may find lurking in your hooter between your fingers before flicking it away.  And, to the lady with the blonde highlights and diamante embossed pink t-shirt (not hugely stylish but I won’t hold that against you) I would just like to say that it really doesn’t bother me if you choose to ingest such findings, really. It doesn’t make you a bad person – I just don’t want to see you do it!   

Just off to get a snack…although my Broccoli and Cheddar Soup somehow seems less appealing all of a sudden!

Bye y’all!

Josie’s Quick Tips! No.1…

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Ella is trying out a new thing, apparently.  From now on, occasionally, I am to deliver a witty and pithy Quick Tip.  Sort of in the style of Good Housekeeping, so you can imagine me with 1950’s style hair, wearing an apron if you like and talking in a very clipped Queen’s English.   She would probably say it is a way of revealing more layers to my fictional personality however if you ask me, it’s just an excuse for not writing a proper blog.   For the time being though we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, because let’s face it, it must be pretty taxing on the old brain to have to think up lengthy blog posts every week musn’t it?  So glad it’s not up to me – I can’t even handle the odd tweet!

Anyway here it is:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1:

If you’re tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans, or even your relaxed fit jeans for that matter  (in which case I suggest some form of exercise because the whole point of the relaxed fit is that they looked relaxed and not as if they are restricting your ability to breathe!  So if your relaxed fit jeans are tight, you probably need to do something about it which involves a sport’s bra and a pair of leggings – although not if you’re a bloke because then a sport’s bra is a bit pointless, unless you have a case of the man-boobs, although, even then a bra should NOT be worn – I’m afraid you just have to brave out the man-boob droop really – oops these are supposed to be pithy! )  Let’s start again:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1: (take two)

If your tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans or even your relaxed fit jeans – ok let’s just say ANY jeans – while you are seated at the dinner table, try standing up to eat instead.  It’s a lot more comfortable and although it may appear a tad anti-social, rest assured,  it is in fact a lot better than subjecting your fellow diners to a floppy role of gut which will no doubt put them off their over-sized bowl of tagliatelle!  (Oh and maybe cut down on the carbs too…)

Bye y’all!