Archive for audience

Coming Soon…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, comedy, creative writing, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, romance, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…an interview with CALLUM DOHERTY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes you hear right people!  Hunk of HUGE proportions (ahem!): Callum Doherty is going to be answering some of YOUR burning questions right here on this blog! 

Questions like: “What’s it like to date Josie Jenkins?”  (Are we still dating in fact? Ooh a topic for book number two perhaps???)  

Or:“Is it true that you refused to take Josie to the movies again after she sobbed so loudly during Love and Other Drugs you were thrown out?”

And: “Do you prefer Josie with or without her Spanx?”  (Hang on a minute! Who put that in there?…  Can we cut that one out please?… Callum is NOT going to answer that ok?!)

If you have a burning question for Mr Doherty all you have to do is leave it in the comment box below and Barbara Walters (I mean Ella ) will gather them up into a probing and revealing interview!  (Not too revealing I hope – yikes! Can I just say Callum, that the farting episode in Neiman Marcus is off limits! OK? OFF LIMITS!)

Bye Y’all and get those questions in! 😉

Josie Jenkins Responds to First Official Review!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Imagine a news reporter standing outside an apartment block, she is surrounded by photographers, although the temperature is chilly, the sun is blinding and so everyone is wearing shades  along with their winter coats.  There is a podium set in front of the main door to the apartment block and the crowd of people are poised waiting for the arrival of… Josie Jenkins!

Reporter: “Hello, my name is Fran Peters and I am standing here in sunny Dallas waiting for the arrival of famed heroine and fictional character, Josie Jenkins.  High-Heels And Slippers is now officially on tour and News At Five is first on the scene to find out what Ms Jenkins thinks of the first review.”  The crowd begins to jostle and there is sign of movement behind the glass door.   The reporter continues in an excited voice: “Well it seems that Ms Jenkins may be coming out now to speak to us.  She was expected to appear over half an hour ago but apparently was held up by a rather unsightly battle with a pair of spanx…”

The reporter is temporarily cut off by a frantic crowd.  She struggles to keep hold of her mic but manages to get back in position in front of the podium just in time as the door opens and a porter comes out, ready to fend off the photographers who immediately lunge forward with their camera flashing. We catch a glimpse of a head of brown curls ducking down away from the flashing cameras.  All around the crowd yell out deafening cries of “Josie! Josie!” and “Look up Josie!”  Eventually the curls reach the podium and the crowd quietens as she lifts her head to reveal a large pair of sunglasses and bright red lips. 

This is Josie Jenkins.  She is wearing what appears to be a fur coat with a pale green silk scarf tied around her neck.  There is a definite look of Grace Kelly about her and she stares out at the crowd with a solemn expression.   Fran Peters gingerly steps up towards the podium.

Fran Peters (obviously a little in awe of Josie’s huge celebrity status): “Ms Jenkins…Ms Jenkins… High-Heels and Slippers has just received its first official review today by… (she glances down at her papers and reads) Rea at http://reabookreview.blogspot.com/.  How does it feel to have your life story out in the public eye?”

Josie Jenkins: (assuming a rather affected tone, reminiscent of 1950’s BBC television presenters) “First of all may I say how grateful I am to Ms Rae for presenting her candid review of High-Heels And Slippers to the world. While the weak among us may feel vulnerable and ill at ease at having their life story judged in this way, I prefer to embrace it.” She looks off into the distance, tilting her head slightly.  There is an air of a politician about her and the photographers go wild trying to capture her image.  Josie leans forward and says conspiratorially into the mic: “Besides did you know she’s a beauty therapist? I’m banking on a discount!”  The crowd laughs. “I’m thinking half price hair removal ladies!” The crowd laughs again, wooed by Josie’s charms.

Fran Peters (trying to regain some control on the interview):  “Er…Ms Rae has written that High-Heels And Slippers is an entertaining and enjoyable read; how does this make you feel?”

Josie Jenkins (smiling): “Ella and I are, of course, ecstatic about it!” She removes her shades with dramatic flair and flashes a  Hollywood-sized grin at the crowd.  They go bananas and there is a clatter of camera clicks!   

Fran Peters: “And Ms Jenkins how do you feel about the suggestion that there could be more character development between yourself and … (again she looks down at her papers) Callum Doherty?”  The crowd yell out in protest. There are cries of  “Boo!” and “No way!”  Josie smiles and raises her hands to silence them.

Josie Jenkins: “Quiet!…Please…quiet…let me answer the question.” The crowd calms down and Josie continues, adopting a deep serious tone: “This has been an emotional journey for me and one that I had to make, for the most part, on my own.  That is not to say that Callum Doherty was not an important part of that journey…but it was my…journey to make.” She pauses, searching for words. “And lets face it…sometimes we all have a journey to make…on our own… mostly…and that’s what High-Heels And Slippers is all about…it’s about the journey I make, partly with Callum but…mostly…on my own….”  The crowd is quiet, Josie looks a little bewildered and adds:  “By the way I’d just like to point out that this coat is NOT real fur it’s just really good quality fake.” There is a lone cry of  “We love you Josie!” by a mad fan standing on the railing fence next to the swimming pool.  Somebody pulls him down and there is a scuffle.

Josie regains her composure, adding in a girly squeak: “Remember people: it ain’t over till the fat lady sings! Watch out for the sequel: High-Heels And Diamonds!” Then she winks, throwing her hair back and replacing her over-sized shades.  The porter reappears and bundles her away.  Meanwhile the crowd push after her.  Josie is stumbling and her voice can be heard yelling “Oh for God’s sakes, someone just trod on my Jimmy Choo’s!” and “Quick get me out of here; I think my hair is beginning to frizz!” 

The camera quickly moves back to Fran who is grinning: “Once again we have a News At Five exclusive: Josie Jenkins has revealed here today that there WILL be a sequel to High-Heels And Slippers! And I think a great name for that book would actually be something like: “Josie Jenkins and her new best friend Fran, go on adventure!” We can see a hand waving the wind-it-up gesture frantically to the side of Fran.  “Or: High-Heels and Television Reporters!”  Someone yells “Cut!” and the screen goes blank.

Another Award for Highheels And Slippers!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2010 by Ella Slayne

   

 

 

“And the Happiness Award goes to…Josie Jenkins and Ella Slayne for Highheels And Slippers!”  (The audience applause wildly.  When they have quietened down the host, who is wearing a tux and looks just like the ravishing Hugh Jackman, continues.) “Unfortunately Josie Jenkins couldn’t be here with us tonight and so here is a video message she recorded for us earlier today.”

Video image of Josie, sitting in a TV studio that has been made to look like somebody’s living room. She is wearing a black low-cut dress, her face heavily made up with TV make-up and she is sitting on a beige armchair with paisley scatter cushions.  There is a small table next to her with a glass of water and vase of tastefully arranged flowers in creams and blues.

“…Am I on? …oh right…(She flashes big smile to camera.)…Hello everyone.  (Another big smile) I am so sorry that I cannot be there to accept this award in person…(shifts slightly in her chair with obvious excitement) but as luck would have it, I am here in Chicago waiting to appear on the Oprah show!  Or at least that’s the plan – I could get usurped by Tom Cruise if he talks too long – which is very possible as he has an even bigger tendency to ramble than I do!  (She glances off to camera) They’re in the other studio right now, plush chairs, real audience – the works!  There’s no expense spared here I can tell you.  But then that’s what you’d expect from Oprah isn’t it?  I mean she’s top-notch.

(Someone coughs and a golden statue in the shape of a butterfly is thrust into Josie hands.)  Oh yes…the award!   Which is obviously more important than silly old Oprah! (she turns to camera looking worried and whispers) You can edit that out right?  (She turns back to camera and holds  up the award.)  I am so thrilled to be accepting this award for Highheels And Slippers! It is a great honour for me, and Ella of course, because she doesn’t get out much, except to take her kids to karate or piano practice… and possibly the odd date night.  So really for her it is a HUGE deal. (Big smile to camera – it is a tad patronizing.)

So what makes me happy?  Erm…being asked to go on Oprah for one!  YAY!  And finding one lone tea-bag in the bottom of the box…staying in pyjamas all day long… going to the gym and finding that I can run for twenty minutes without feeling as if I’m about to throw-up!  Oh and being asked to go on Oprah!  Did I already mention that?  (Giggles to camera.)

I must say a big thank you to Hema at http://hemapen.wordpress.com/   for nominating me.  (Smiles) Thank you Hema for all your support.   (Drops smile rather abruptly) You have won so many blog awards now, it’s very kind of you to share.

And here it is:  the Happiness Award!  (She lifts a gold statue of a butterfly up to the camera.)  Although why they use a butterfly as a sign of happiness I do not know…I have always thought butterflies were rather sad creatures…I mean they start off as a lumpy caterpillar, with no figure to speak of, and then when they finally make it to the designer look, they’re about ready to kick it aren’t they?  The average butterfly only lives about a month!  So perhaps they should call it the About To Kick It award!   Only joking!  (Flashes a celebrity type smile to camera.)

(Assumes deadpan expression) But seriously,  it moves me to tears (she dabs eyes for effect) to think that Ella and I  may in some way have made you happy.  And we hope to continue to make you smile or even giggle from time to time. 

Thank you so …(suddenly Josie turns off camera) What’s that?…She’s ready now? You mean Oprah?  Oh my God!  (Josie discards the golden statue on the sofa and starts frantically puffing her hair, she stands up and begins to walk off before being yanked back by her mic lead)  Oh! For goodness sakes can someone get this thing off me? (Yells in rather an inelegant way) I’m about to go on BLOODY OPRAH!  (Two people rush in and remove the mic, Josie pushes them away and walks off)  I’m ready….”

(Back to the dashing host, looking a bit uncomfortable) “That was Josie Jenkins accepting the Happiness Award for Highheels and Slippers!”  (There is a quiet, stilted ripple of applause and someone coughs.)  “And so moving on to our next blog award, the I Never Knew That Before Award! Which goes to…”

Highheels and Slippers receives the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blog Award!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2010 by Ella Slayne

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The following is a transcript of Josie Jenkins’ recent acceptance speech:

“Oh gosh!” Bashfully smiles to audience. “Really thank you so much.  I am truly honoured.” Gazes at award and swishes skirt of designer sequined gold dress. 

“I’d like to thank the Academy…I mean WordPress.com for recognizing the blogging industry and providing a forum where we are free to blog.” Emotional sharp intake of breath. 

“I’d like to thank Ella Slayne, of course, for creating me and giving me a voice.” Fights back tears. “Thank you Ella – you are my world…literally…” More skirt swishing with added hair fluffing.

Oh gosh honestly I just didn’t expect anything like this!  Wow!  Erm…I’d like to Jai Joshi at the Tulsi Tree for giving me this wonderful award.”  Calls out. “Where are you Jai?”  Peers out to audience, squinting under the bright lights. “Don’t be shy…I see you!” Waves at someone in the audience, blows theatrical kisses.  “Thanks babe!”  

 There is a pause. Josie wipes tears from her eyes.  Ushers are on stage anxiously waiting to escort her away, in the background, music begins to play.  Josie is oblivious to these cues and in a rather Dame Edna Everage sort of a way,  looks directly at camera. 

“But most of all I’d like to thank my fans, because without them, I’d just be a nobody floating around in blogging cyberspace  – so to all my fans I’d like to say thank you.” Patronising smile to camera.  “Thank you for making me a somebody, a somebody with Hollywood hair  and a Vera Wang dress – even if it is only for one night.  Apparently Julienne Moore is wearing this at some charity do next week and they need a few days to take it in.” There is a small cough as Josie strokes her stomach.   

“Really this has been the best day of my life! If you don’t count the one when you-know-who asked me out on a date.  Oh I forgot you don’t know about that yet – you’ll have to wait for the book!”  Ushers move closer.  “No really I am so grateful – though not as grateful as I am to Vidal Sassoon for making the best hair de-frizzer I’ve ever found or to my local supermarket for stocking Cadbury’s Curly Wurlies!” The ushers are now moving in and look aghast as Josie continues.

 “Oh and I also want to thank my best friend Becky – I know you’re watching at home –  who was kind enough to lend me her Revitalizing Rescue Face Pack last night after I found a spot forming on my nose.  That stuff really works. You can’t see it now at all.” She rubs finger over tip of nose.  “There’s just a small bump.  Amazing really because it looked like it was going to be huge!”

The ushers finally move forward and swiftly take Josie’s arms.  As she is escorted off the stage Josie cries: “Thank you!”  And then turns to the ushers, forgetting she is wearing a mic: “Do I get to sit back next to Ryan Seacrest now?  He’s even better looking in real life isn’t he?”