Archive for the writing Category

Coming Soon…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, comedy, creative writing, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, romance, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…an interview with CALLUM DOHERTY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes you hear right people!  Hunk of HUGE proportions (ahem!): Callum Doherty is going to be answering some of YOUR burning questions right here on this blog! 

Questions like: “What’s it like to date Josie Jenkins?”  (Are we still dating in fact? Ooh a topic for book number two perhaps???)  

Or:“Is it true that you refused to take Josie to the movies again after she sobbed so loudly during Love and Other Drugs you were thrown out?”

And: “Do you prefer Josie with or without her Spanx?”  (Hang on a minute! Who put that in there?…  Can we cut that one out please?… Callum is NOT going to answer that ok?!)

If you have a burning question for Mr Doherty all you have to do is leave it in the comment box below and Barbara Walters (I mean Ella ) will gather them up into a probing and revealing interview!  (Not too revealing I hope – yikes! Can I just say Callum, that the farting episode in Neiman Marcus is off limits! OK? OFF LIMITS!)

Bye Y’all and get those questions in! 😉

BOOK UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2011 by Ella Slayne

HIGH-HEELS AND SLIPPERS IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR THE NOOK EREADER @ BARNES AND NOBLE – ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLICK THIS LINK APPARENTLY: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/high-heels-and-slippers-ella-slayne/1032259453?ean=2940013128569&itm=1&usri=high%2bheels%2band%2bslippers

Also Ella has asked me to mention that if you do not have an ereader DON’T PANIC you can still read my story (if you want to that is!). All you have to do is go to http://www.smashwords.com and download it for your computer (which I assume you must have otherwise how on earth are you reading this blog?)

Phew – all this marketing stuff is exhausting! Can somebody hire a PR person please? I need to sit down…do we have any muffins?…Is it too early for white wine?…

Bye y’all!

Beware the power of a good quote!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I keep seeing this fine quotation everywhere at the moment:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”  

Mahatma Ghandi 

 

Ah… so perhaps that explains the increase in cosmetic surgery! 😉

Bye y’all!

Josie in a pet shop – oh dear!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I had cause to go into a pet shop recently.  Not a place I would normally go, seeing as I haven’t got any pets.  But a friend of mine had tipped me off about some rather stylish Martha Stewart storage containers at half price, obviously intended for dog biscuits but who cares about that?  Anyway there I am trying to decide whether to get the brown box trimmed with aqua or the lime green trimmed with yellow, always a dilemma, and my gaze wandered over to a counter where I noticed a lady cooing over a spiky animal.  She was trying to stuff some flaky looking substance into its mouth but the poor thing was retreating further and further into its spikes. 

“Isn’t it cute?” The lady said looking up at me. Well yes if you like spiky covered balls! Was she completely mad?

“What is it?” I asked, just to be polite.

“A hedgehog.  They make great pets.” She gazed down fondly at it while I stared in disbelief.  A hedgehog? Sold as a pet? How daft!  And how on earth does a hedgehog make a great pet anyway? They’re spiky, nocturnal and extremely shy aren’t they? Not exactly choice requirements for a pet in my humble I-don’t-have-any-pets-opinion!

“How much do they cost?” I eventually managed to stutter.

“$150.” She said with an apologetic smile.  “It’s a lot of money but he’s just so cute!”  

$150 for a HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean that’s just complete nonsense!   I lost my grip on the Martha Stewart storage box and it tumbled to the floor, bouncing down the aisle. When I managed to retrieve it, I noticed another woman had come over to gawp at the poor animal, which had now appeared to have completely curled up. 

“Is that a hedgehog? I heard they make great pets,” she said.  Seriously, where had she heard that?  From the crazy-lady standing next to her? I mean I grew up in a land where hedgehogs happily roam free and I never once heard that they make great pets!  This was absurd.  What happened to just normal pets? Like a cat or guinea-pigs or … you know… fish!  What’s wrong with choosing one of those? Surely they are a much better idea than a hedgehog?!

But then who am I to judge?  I mean I already know they do things differently here.  The Brits have Bonfire Night, the Americans have The Fourth of July.  We have Blackcurrant Polos, the Americans have Grape Lifesavers.  I have tea made with boiling water poured from a teapot (when I’m being posh), my chums over here drink it with ice from a big urn.  It’s fine – we’re all different.  I get that. 

Even so…A HEDGEHOG FOR A PET????????????? 

And then I said something I probably shouldn’t have.  I didn’t mean to sound heartless or cruel – it’s not like I’m anti-hedgehogs or nature or anything – it just came out. It was one of those moments when the filter that stops you actually verbalizing your inner thoughts, malfunctions and you find yourself saying them out loud (unfortunately I find that happens to me quite often).

“Shame you didn’t live in the UK, you could get one for free there – mind you, you’d probably have to scrape it off the road!”  Then I sort of smirked which I really regret. 

The women looked at me with disgust and one of the woman tried to put her hand protectively around the hedgehog – except she couldn’t because of the spikes (you see totally useless as a pet).   Then I hastily picked up the lime green Martha Stewart storage box (only $6.95 -total bargain for celebrity endorsed merchandise) and made my way to the checkout.

That’s probably the last time I’ll go into a pet shop!

Bye y’all!

An explanation of Zen.

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2011 by Ella Slayne

So looks as if blogs are going to be a bit on and off over the summer as apparently it’s harder to focus when you’ve got three children running around the house – well this is what Ella says, but personally I think that’s a bit an excuse…I mean it can’t be that hard can it? All you have to do is stick kids in front of the TV right? No? Oh.  Well all I’m saying is she seems to be spending a lot more time hanging out by the pool now that the sun’s come out!

Anyway as a way of filling in the blogpost-gap Ella has decided to leave us all with a profound saying to mull over.  Can’t say I’m too impressed but, like I’ve said before I don’t get much of a say in the matter.  I’m not knocking Zen or anything…in fact I’ve contemplating dabbling in a bit of Buddhism ever since I saw Julia Roberts looking just a bit stunning in Eat Pray Love.  That’s the way to wear a tunic!  Mind you, you can carry anything off with legs as long as hers!    

Anyway here it is:  

 “Zen is like looking for the spectacles that are sitting on your nose.”  

Zen saying.

Okay … seriously is that the best you could come up with Ella?  How am I supposed to think of something deep to say about that?  I wear contact lenses for goodness sakes!

Bye y’all!

A Hairy Fantasy!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2011 by Ella Slayne

So I wouldn’t usually share one of my fantasies with you guys – after all they’re private right?  I mean who would want to share such an intimate thing with the whole world via the internet?  Not me that’s for sure  – although actually I have no say in the matter because it’s up to Ella and quite frankly she seems to have no concern whatsoever telling the world all my private details!

But this is a fantasy I don’t mind sharing – although I’m not suggesting anyone tries to do the whole psychoanalysis number on it! 

At the moment I am having a fantasy of walking down the street in shorts and extremely hairy legs.  Actually not just hairy legs, hairy armpits too!   In my fantasy I am walking freely, hair sprouting forth on my limbs at the amazement and admiration of all who pass by.  I can hear them gasp at the wonder of my downy legs and bushy underarms. I feel no embarrassment.  No! In fact I feel like a goddess. A cilial-covered goddess!

I think my fantasy has something to do with the arrival of summer and the need to de-hair regularly all of sudden.  Not that I don’t de-hair during the rest of the year – obviously I do – but let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to hide a few days leg hair growth under a pair of long jeans isn’t it? 

But now it’s swimming season and so the pressure is on to have smooth, soft, hairless skin again.  I know I shouldn’t feel that I have to slap on the Nair or haul out the Gillette.  I mean I know that whether I have hair on my legs or not does not define my beauty.  And even though my rational head tells me that there shouldn’t be a difference between men and women’s collection of bristles, my gut instinctively seems to say otherwise.  I tried the natural look, years ago when I was a student (and single coincidentally)  but it didn’t last long before I was ripping it all away with sugar wax from the BodyShop.   The truth is though that even though it is completely natural for women to have body hair and I just don’t feel comfortable exposing my fuzz! 

But it is such a drag!!!!!!!!!  Isn’t it?  Keeping up with hair removal is a bore and continual hassle – not to mention embarrassing – as anyone who has endured a bikini wax knows – and let me just say those paper panties do not cover up a thing!  It is truly a mortifying experience trying to continue a conversation with one’s beautician while one’s practically naked bum is stuck up in the air! 

Needless to say I’m already longing for Autumn’s return when my bristles and I can hide away behind cardigans and trousers again.  

Bye y’all!

Snacks!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Oh gosh choosing the right snack is such a pressure these days isn’t it? I mean you can’t just happily get a packet of custard creams and dunk them in your tea anymore can you?  No!  Gone are the days of a guilt-free afternoon Twix!

Now we have to make sure that every snack is high protein and low sugar.  Or rich in fiber but with reduced salt.   It  can involve carbohydrates but only if it’s the right kind of carb – the complicated kind…or is it  complex?  Basically if it looks like you should line a guinea-pig cage with it, you’re alright!  

A nutritious snack  should also involve some raw fruit or vegetable apparently (think guinea-pig again here) and if there’s some live yoghurt or some kind of foul tasting obscure plant mixed in, all the better.  

I don’t want to sound like a grump!  I mean I know all this stuff is good for me, it’s supposed to flush out my toxins, make my skin look radiant, regulate my bowel movements and prolong my life expectancy. 

But as I sit here dipping a carrot into a tub of humus I can’t help feeling that I’d rather be eating a Snickers, even if does mean I won’t live as long!  

Bye (crunch) y’all! (Crunch, crunch!)