Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Posted in Uncategorized on January 5, 2013 by Ella Slayne

Please check out Ella’s blog to find out the latest! http://ellaslayne.wordpress.com/

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Coming Soon…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, comedy, creative writing, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, personal, romance, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2011 by Ella Slayne

…an interview with CALLUM DOHERTY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes you hear right people!  Hunk of HUGE proportions (ahem!): Callum Doherty is going to be answering some of YOUR burning questions right here on this blog! 

Questions like: “What’s it like to date Josie Jenkins?”  (Are we still dating in fact? Ooh a topic for book number two perhaps???)  

Or:“Is it true that you refused to take Josie to the movies again after she sobbed so loudly during Love and Other Drugs you were thrown out?”

And: “Do you prefer Josie with or without her Spanx?”  (Hang on a minute! Who put that in there?…  Can we cut that one out please?… Callum is NOT going to answer that ok?!)

If you have a burning question for Mr Doherty all you have to do is leave it in the comment box below and Barbara Walters (I mean Ella ) will gather them up into a probing and revealing interview!  (Not too revealing I hope – yikes! Can I just say Callum, that the farting episode in Neiman Marcus is off limits! OK? OFF LIMITS!)

Bye Y’all and get those questions in! 😉

A bit of a monk on!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I don’t know if you are aware if the above phrase but let me just tell you it sums up my position at the moment pretty accurately!  It may be just a Northern thing but we tend to use it when someone is having a right old proper sulk…and that’s me at the moment.  Why so sullen Josie? I hear you cry.   Well I have been completely and utterly neglected of late.  You may have noticed that my blog posts have been few and far between.  It’s not been of my choosing but that of my creator, Ella Slayne, who seems to have been way too busy to stoop so low as to give me a voice over the past couple of weeks! 

Why so busy? Well apparently she’s been organising the High-Heels And Slippers book launch party and that, as well as attending various Halloween festivities (it’s alright for some – she is munching a Reese peanut butter pumpkin as we speak) has kept her somewhat aloof!  I have been cast aside in favour of venue hunting, invitation printing and high-heel shopping (I can partly understand that though because the lure of a good pair of high-heels is hard to resist).  

I appreciate that all this takes time but lets just take a moment to remember who the star of the show is here? ME!  JOSIE JENKINS! I am the heroine of the novel for goodness sakes and so it would seem wise and perhaps just a tad polite to give me some airtime during this whole book signing thing wouldn’t it? I mean, if it wasn’t for me there’d be no excuse for a new pair of Poetic Licence heels from Nordstrom would there? No!  There would be no reason to seek out a rather fashionable French patisserie in which to host a book signing do would there? No! And if it weren’t for me, there would be no point in inviting guests to come and enjoy tasty high-heel shaped cookies while milling around and waxing lyrical about women’s fiction would there? No!  

So all I’m saying is, Ella, when you’re schmoozing at your book signing don’t forget who got you there in the first place! Humph!

PS: and by the way, you’re never going to fit into that black dress if you keep eating fun size milky ways! Double Humph!

Ha! Ha!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Saw this quote today:

If we were meant to talk more and listen less, we’d have one ear and two mouths.

Made me laugh! Actually reminded me of another quote:

Connect brain to mouth before speaking.

I wonder why I’ve heard the one before?…ahem!

Are you having a good day folks? I hope so! And if you’re having a bad day, I hope tomorrow’s better! 🙂

Bye y’all!

The problem with self-help books…

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I was watching Nanny PcPhee Returns the other day (I know it’s a kids’ movie but it was on telly and I had nothing better to do … besides Emma Thompson reminds me of home). Anyway at the beginning, when Nanny McPhee has just arrived and is trying to explain her appearance to the bunch of unruly children, she says something along the lines of:

“When you need me but don’t want me, I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, I must go”

And it occurred to me that the same thing could be applied to self-help books…

I think self-help books have a fundemental flaw: the people they target are the people least likely to actually pick one up and read it. I mean when you’re down in the dumps, your focus is usually wallowing in your own self-pity. You’re not usually receptive to some positive bright spark advising you on how to “Gain Control of Your Gloom” or “Walk Over To The Sunny Side of the Street”. No, because it just makes you feel worse, even more of a failure. You look at the picture of smug self-help book author and you weep, because next to them you look like a worthless drip! You read one chapter of their book and end up snivelling into a chocolate bar.

It’s like when Simon Cowell was on American Idol and he used to say to the contestants: “The only thing stopping you from winning this competetion is you!” And the poor wanna-be pop star would just stand there blinking back the tears. I mean come on Simon – how on earth is that helpful? You’re basically telling the poor sods that they’re ruining their own chances just by being themselves which they can’t do anything about!

It seems to me that we are most receptive to positive thinking when we are already thinking positively! So we should make a point of stocking up on our self-help reading when we feel we don’t need it, in the hope that it will carry us through the glum phases and then hopefully we, too, stand a chance of becoming an AMERICAN IDOL! Well not really but you know what I mean…although just so you know, I’m am actually quite good a karaoke

Bye y’all!

BUY MY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized on July 25, 2011 by Ella Slayne

OMG I cannot believe this is really happening but I am officially a published character!!!  High-Heels And Slippers is  available as an ebook  NOW at www.smashwords.com and http://www.amazon.com/High-Heels-And-Slippers-ebook/dp/B005E8KCUG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1311605249&sr=1-1

I cannot believe it – I am ON SALE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I’m only $2.99 which means I’m about the price of a bar of chocolate, less than a latte and definitely less than a cocktail! So really there is no excuse not to buy my book because after all what’s $2.99 between friends?

Apparently Ella is going to put some kind of widget thing on the blog so that you can just click and buy but until then (it could take a while – she is NOT computer savvy as we all know) please just use the above links! 

Go on…you know you want to…Aren’t you just a little bit curious to find out how I navigate my way through a modern-day love triangle involving  the oh-so-dishy Callum Doherty and the mysterious high-school sweetheart Tom Barker? What is Tom hiding from me? Will I go back to the UK to find out? And, if so, what will happen to the charming Mr Doherty?  Wow…I wanna buy it myself and I know what happens!  Go on just click!   This is the perfect summer read ladies! 🙂

And while you’re all busy reading my story I have a book launch party to arrange…I’m thinking black tie, ball gowns, maybe a string quartet, canapes and definitely champagne daaaarling! Oh joy!

Bye y’all!

Oh crikey must book in for highlights and leg wax…oh this is sooooooooo exciting! Eek!

Josie in a pet shop – oh dear!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I had cause to go into a pet shop recently.  Not a place I would normally go, seeing as I haven’t got any pets.  But a friend of mine had tipped me off about some rather stylish Martha Stewart storage containers at half price, obviously intended for dog biscuits but who cares about that?  Anyway there I am trying to decide whether to get the brown box trimmed with aqua or the lime green trimmed with yellow, always a dilemma, and my gaze wandered over to a counter where I noticed a lady cooing over a spiky animal.  She was trying to stuff some flaky looking substance into its mouth but the poor thing was retreating further and further into its spikes. 

“Isn’t it cute?” The lady said looking up at me. Well yes if you like spiky covered balls! Was she completely mad?

“What is it?” I asked, just to be polite.

“A hedgehog.  They make great pets.” She gazed down fondly at it while I stared in disbelief.  A hedgehog? Sold as a pet? How daft!  And how on earth does a hedgehog make a great pet anyway? They’re spiky, nocturnal and extremely shy aren’t they? Not exactly choice requirements for a pet in my humble I-don’t-have-any-pets-opinion!

“How much do they cost?” I eventually managed to stutter.

“$150.” She said with an apologetic smile.  “It’s a lot of money but he’s just so cute!”  

$150 for a HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean that’s just complete nonsense!   I lost my grip on the Martha Stewart storage box and it tumbled to the floor, bouncing down the aisle. When I managed to retrieve it, I noticed another woman had come over to gawp at the poor animal, which had now appeared to have completely curled up. 

“Is that a hedgehog? I heard they make great pets,” she said.  Seriously, where had she heard that?  From the crazy-lady standing next to her? I mean I grew up in a land where hedgehogs happily roam free and I never once heard that they make great pets!  This was absurd.  What happened to just normal pets? Like a cat or guinea-pigs or … you know… fish!  What’s wrong with choosing one of those? Surely they are a much better idea than a hedgehog?!

But then who am I to judge?  I mean I already know they do things differently here.  The Brits have Bonfire Night, the Americans have The Fourth of July.  We have Blackcurrant Polos, the Americans have Grape Lifesavers.  I have tea made with boiling water poured from a teapot (when I’m being posh), my chums over here drink it with ice from a big urn.  It’s fine – we’re all different.  I get that. 

Even so…A HEDGEHOG FOR A PET????????????? 

And then I said something I probably shouldn’t have.  I didn’t mean to sound heartless or cruel – it’s not like I’m anti-hedgehogs or nature or anything – it just came out. It was one of those moments when the filter that stops you actually verbalizing your inner thoughts, malfunctions and you find yourself saying them out loud (unfortunately I find that happens to me quite often).

“Shame you didn’t live in the UK, you could get one for free there – mind you, you’d probably have to scrape it off the road!”  Then I sort of smirked which I really regret. 

The women looked at me with disgust and one of the woman tried to put her hand protectively around the hedgehog – except she couldn’t because of the spikes (you see totally useless as a pet).   Then I hastily picked up the lime green Martha Stewart storage box (only $6.95 -total bargain for celebrity endorsed merchandise) and made my way to the checkout.

That’s probably the last time I’ll go into a pet shop!

Bye y’all!