Archive for November, 2011

Josie Jenkins Responds to First Official Review!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, self publishing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Imagine a news reporter standing outside an apartment block, she is surrounded by photographers, although the temperature is chilly, the sun is blinding and so everyone is wearing shades  along with their winter coats.  There is a podium set in front of the main door to the apartment block and the crowd of people are poised waiting for the arrival of… Josie Jenkins!

Reporter: “Hello, my name is Fran Peters and I am standing here in sunny Dallas waiting for the arrival of famed heroine and fictional character, Josie Jenkins.  High-Heels And Slippers is now officially on tour and News At Five is first on the scene to find out what Ms Jenkins thinks of the first review.”  The crowd begins to jostle and there is sign of movement behind the glass door.   The reporter continues in an excited voice: “Well it seems that Ms Jenkins may be coming out now to speak to us.  She was expected to appear over half an hour ago but apparently was held up by a rather unsightly battle with a pair of spanx…”

The reporter is temporarily cut off by a frantic crowd.  She struggles to keep hold of her mic but manages to get back in position in front of the podium just in time as the door opens and a porter comes out, ready to fend off the photographers who immediately lunge forward with their camera flashing. We catch a glimpse of a head of brown curls ducking down away from the flashing cameras.  All around the crowd yell out deafening cries of “Josie! Josie!” and “Look up Josie!”  Eventually the curls reach the podium and the crowd quietens as she lifts her head to reveal a large pair of sunglasses and bright red lips. 

This is Josie Jenkins.  She is wearing what appears to be a fur coat with a pale green silk scarf tied around her neck.  There is a definite look of Grace Kelly about her and she stares out at the crowd with a solemn expression.   Fran Peters gingerly steps up towards the podium.

Fran Peters (obviously a little in awe of Josie’s huge celebrity status): “Ms Jenkins…Ms Jenkins… High-Heels and Slippers has just received its first official review today by… (she glances down at her papers and reads) Rea at http://reabookreview.blogspot.com/.  How does it feel to have your life story out in the public eye?”

Josie Jenkins: (assuming a rather affected tone, reminiscent of 1950’s BBC television presenters) “First of all may I say how grateful I am to Ms Rae for presenting her candid review of High-Heels And Slippers to the world. While the weak among us may feel vulnerable and ill at ease at having their life story judged in this way, I prefer to embrace it.” She looks off into the distance, tilting her head slightly.  There is an air of a politician about her and the photographers go wild trying to capture her image.  Josie leans forward and says conspiratorially into the mic: “Besides did you know she’s a beauty therapist? I’m banking on a discount!”  The crowd laughs. “I’m thinking half price hair removal ladies!” The crowd laughs again, wooed by Josie’s charms.

Fran Peters (trying to regain some control on the interview):  “Er…Ms Rae has written that High-Heels And Slippers is an entertaining and enjoyable read; how does this make you feel?”

Josie Jenkins (smiling): “Ella and I are, of course, ecstatic about it!” She removes her shades with dramatic flair and flashes a  Hollywood-sized grin at the crowd.  They go bananas and there is a clatter of camera clicks!   

Fran Peters: “And Ms Jenkins how do you feel about the suggestion that there could be more character development between yourself and … (again she looks down at her papers) Callum Doherty?”  The crowd yell out in protest. There are cries of  “Boo!” and “No way!”  Josie smiles and raises her hands to silence them.

Josie Jenkins: “Quiet!…Please…quiet…let me answer the question.” The crowd calms down and Josie continues, adopting a deep serious tone: “This has been an emotional journey for me and one that I had to make, for the most part, on my own.  That is not to say that Callum Doherty was not an important part of that journey…but it was my…journey to make.” She pauses, searching for words. “And lets face it…sometimes we all have a journey to make…on our own… mostly…and that’s what High-Heels And Slippers is all about…it’s about the journey I make, partly with Callum but…mostly…on my own….”  The crowd is quiet, Josie looks a little bewildered and adds:  “By the way I’d just like to point out that this coat is NOT real fur it’s just really good quality fake.” There is a lone cry of  “We love you Josie!” by a mad fan standing on the railing fence next to the swimming pool.  Somebody pulls him down and there is a scuffle.

Josie regains her composure, adding in a girly squeak: “Remember people: it ain’t over till the fat lady sings! Watch out for the sequel: High-Heels And Diamonds!” Then she winks, throwing her hair back and replacing her over-sized shades.  The porter reappears and bundles her away.  Meanwhile the crowd push after her.  Josie is stumbling and her voice can be heard yelling “Oh for God’s sakes, someone just trod on my Jimmy Choo’s!” and “Quick get me out of here; I think my hair is beginning to frizz!” 

The camera quickly moves back to Fran who is grinning: “Once again we have a News At Five exclusive: Josie Jenkins has revealed here today that there WILL be a sequel to High-Heels And Slippers! And I think a great name for that book would actually be something like: “Josie Jenkins and her new best friend Fran, go on adventure!” We can see a hand waving the wind-it-up gesture frantically to the side of Fran.  “Or: High-Heels and Television Reporters!”  Someone yells “Cut!” and the screen goes blank.

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A bit of a monk on!

Posted in blogging, chick lit, ebooks, fiction, humor, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I don’t know if you are aware if the above phrase but let me just tell you it sums up my position at the moment pretty accurately!  It may be just a Northern thing but we tend to use it when someone is having a right old proper sulk…and that’s me at the moment.  Why so sullen Josie? I hear you cry.   Well I have been completely and utterly neglected of late.  You may have noticed that my blog posts have been few and far between.  It’s not been of my choosing but that of my creator, Ella Slayne, who seems to have been way too busy to stoop so low as to give me a voice over the past couple of weeks! 

Why so busy? Well apparently she’s been organising the High-Heels And Slippers book launch party and that, as well as attending various Halloween festivities (it’s alright for some – she is munching a Reese peanut butter pumpkin as we speak) has kept her somewhat aloof!  I have been cast aside in favour of venue hunting, invitation printing and high-heel shopping (I can partly understand that though because the lure of a good pair of high-heels is hard to resist).  

I appreciate that all this takes time but lets just take a moment to remember who the star of the show is here? ME!  JOSIE JENKINS! I am the heroine of the novel for goodness sakes and so it would seem wise and perhaps just a tad polite to give me some airtime during this whole book signing thing wouldn’t it? I mean, if it wasn’t for me there’d be no excuse for a new pair of Poetic Licence heels from Nordstrom would there? No!  There would be no reason to seek out a rather fashionable French patisserie in which to host a book signing do would there? No! And if it weren’t for me, there would be no point in inviting guests to come and enjoy tasty high-heel shaped cookies while milling around and waxing lyrical about women’s fiction would there? No!  

So all I’m saying is, Ella, when you’re schmoozing at your book signing don’t forget who got you there in the first place! Humph!

PS: and by the way, you’re never going to fit into that black dress if you keep eating fun size milky ways! Double Humph!