Archive for May, 2011

Snacks!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, writing with tags , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Oh gosh choosing the right snack is such a pressure these days isn’t it? I mean you can’t just happily get a packet of custard creams and dunk them in your tea anymore can you?  No!  Gone are the days of a guilt-free afternoon Twix!

Now we have to make sure that every snack is high protein and low sugar.  Or rich in fiber but with reduced salt.   It  can involve carbohydrates but only if it’s the right kind of carb – the complicated kind…or is it  complex?  Basically if it looks like you should line a guinea-pig cage with it, you’re alright!  

A nutritious snack  should also involve some raw fruit or vegetable apparently (think guinea-pig again here) and if there’s some live yoghurt or some kind of foul tasting obscure plant mixed in, all the better.  

I don’t want to sound like a grump!  I mean I know all this stuff is good for me, it’s supposed to flush out my toxins, make my skin look radiant, regulate my bowel movements and prolong my life expectancy. 

But as I sit here dipping a carrot into a tub of humus I can’t help feeling that I’d rather be eating a Snickers, even if does mean I won’t live as long!  

Bye (crunch) y’all! (Crunch, crunch!)

Bargain Hunter I Am Not!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2011 by Ella Slayne

I am not a big fan of bargains.  That may seem a bit surprising but my experience with bargain purchases has not been hugely positive.  I usually end up with cosmetics I don’t want, food that will likely kill me and clothes that may have been $5 but don’t actually fit!  My theory is that if it’s in the bargain bucket because it’s not selling then there has to be a reason: if no-one else wants to buy it,  I don’t want it either thank you very much!

A bit of impromptu sale buying is ok I suppose but the huge organised sales leave me cold. I don’t like spending hours rifling through racks of clothing nor fighting my way through hoards of people – people who incidentally have lost all sense of decorum and good manners while being blinded by the smell of a sale.  And if you ask me places like T J Maxx and Marshalls have taken the smugness out of wearing a designer label.  If anyone can get a Gucci handbag for $50  or Calvin Kline jeans at the afore-mentioned stores, what’s the point?   Surely the only reason to buy those brands is to gloat, otherwise you might as well get them at Target or Marks & Spencers.  (Nothing wrong with that of course- ahem!)

Recently though I did succumb to a bargain and it didn’t pay off I can tell you!  I was in CVS getting a few supplies, toothpaste, lip balm, a new bath squeegee, that sort of thing, and I noticed some Mrs Whittaker’s Organic Peppermint Body Wash on sale.  Lovely packaging…old style, Times Roman font, blue and white print…you know the sort of thing…it looked…well…reliable…the kind of thing my Granny would have used.   And it was only $2 for a big bottle, there were loads of them all stacked neatly with a sign booming in neon ink that they were “ON CLEARANCE!”  I threw a bottle in the trolley and headed to the cashier feeling wholesome and thrifty.

Next morning I awoke, excited to use my new minty body wash.  Oh yes it smelled so good as I flipped the cap, the vapours mixing with the steam of my shower, reviving and refreshing.  I could almost imagine that I was back in the fifties with a ration book and twin-set.  Mint! How natural, how simple, how perfect!

I smeared the bloomin’ stuff everywhere and that, my friends, was my downfall.  You see there are some parts of the body, I know now, that you don’t want a minty fresh feeling because in certain areas, it feels less like a lively minty coolness and more like an aggressive burn!  And no amount of rinsing can relieve it.  Honestly, I felt peculiar…down there…all day. 

And that is why I shall continue to steer clear of bargain buckets, anything on clearance, the President’s Day Sale, New Year Sale, buy one get one free, last-minute mark-downs, discontinued lines… you get the idea! 

Bye y’all!

Josie Jenkins At Large (Second time around!)

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Now, when I say “Josie Jenkins At Large” – I want to clarify that I mean metaphorically speaking – I’m only a dress size ten,which apparently, is a national average so while I’m not exactly of supermodel proportions, I’m not a hippo either!

So what I mean by at large is sort of a here I am kind of thing I suppose. Except I’m not actually real, I’m a character created by Ella Slayne – this new writer – who chose to write a whole book about me! Hugely flattering of course! Although she’s in the middle of rewrites at the moment and still yet to get the thing published – in fact it hasn’t even got a proper name – but it will be great…you know…when it actually comes out. I hope. Otherwise it could be incredibly embarrassing and I’ll be left here on this blog as a nobody who appears to think they were a somebody once when in fact they were just a wannabe/mighthavebeen person.

It’s also a tad invasive if I’m honest – she knows me warts n’all which isn’t always a good thing! So while this blog is supposed to promote the book, I have to say there is a small part of me – well tiny really – that hopes it fails miserably because there are just some areas of one’s life you like to remain private, if you know what I mean?! However the bigger part of me is just desperate for the Oprah interview of course and now that she’s leaving telly, the pressure is really on. So Ella – don’t let me down here!

Sorry I’m rambling a bit – I do have a tendancy to veer of topic! I have a feeling it must be incredibly irritating and so I’m ever grateful for the smattering of people in my life so far, who put up with me and my rambles – Becky, that one goes out to you baby!

So back to this blogging thing which is completely new to me and to be honest I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing! Which is why there is no photo or anything on here yet – I am going to have dig something out but could take me a while to find anything suitable – in general I don’t tend to be photogenic -I blame it on my frizzy hair but the odd chin pimple doesn’t help either!

Actually I’m a bit of technophobe – so the chances of me ever working out how to post a photo, are slim. I’m the type of person who rarely even sends texts because it takes me so long to write them -usually with no punctuation or spaces. But, they tell me that blogging is all the rage – OMG I sound like my Granny – so I agreed to go along with it!

Anyway, it ocurred to me, when I was indulging in a lovely homemade geranium and parsley bath soak – got the idea from a Herbals At Home book my Mum gave me for Christmas – most of the stuff in it is total crap, like the recepie for an oatmeal and mustard facepack – I don’t even like mustard with my steak, never mind smeared all over my face, so am certainly not trying that one – but the bath soak is actually quite nice and as I already had an old bottle of geranium essential oil knocking about and a bag of parsely in the freezer, I thought: why not? An unsightly skin irriation, due to misreading the quantities of essential oil, could be one reason but I won’t dwell on that… after all the sunflower oil and wheatbran cream seemed to help…it’s amazing what you can find in the kitchen cupboards.

So, as I was saying, it occurred to me that – and I apologise if this is stating the obvious for all the seasoned bloggers out there – blogging is a sort of an online diary. You write down all your personal thoughts and observations – like how it worries me that President Obama’s hair is already loads greyer since he became President and that the same thing happened to Tony Blair, who started off as a bit debonair and handsome too but eventually began to look as grey and wizened as the rest of them – politics saps the life out of you, it seems – so you write this sort of thing down but instead of using a glistening chrome Paperchase pen with matching notebook and tucking it in the drawer of your bedside cabinet, you put it on the internet for anyone and everyone to read! It’s like the introvert/extrovert’s dream really!

I’ll shall have to go in a minute – I put the kettle on and am gagging for a cuppa – a Brit through and through, I’m never far away from a cup of tea. Thank goodness for the international aisle at the local supermarket, I’d be lost if I couldn’t get my PGTips! And after living here in the States for over ten years I simply cannot get the hang of iced tea, not even in the summer – all that cold liquid makes my stomach blow up like a balloon!

A Englishman in New York – that’s what I suggested for the title of the blog – except that I’m not a bloke, I’m female and I’m not in New York – unfortunately – I’m in Texas – which apparently is quite a bit different from New York – yeah so not really the best title!

Which is probably why Ella plumped for High Heels and Slippers instead sums me up. By day I’m a Company Executive – even if it is only temporary – wobbling around in high heels and by night sofa-snuggler in fleece-lined slippers – because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s cold feet!

Not sure how I will end these blog entries – I like the idea of developing some kind of catchphrase – you know like famous comedians do – although the only one I can think of right now is from the bloke who used to be on Crackerjack and say: ooh I could crush a grape! Not really the level of sophistication I was aiming for.

On the other extreme I suppose I could sign off newsreporter style: This is Josie Jenkins for High Heels and Slippers saying goodnight. But that’s not right either.

So perhaps I’ll just use that good old Texan phrase I’ve grown to know and love: bye y’all!

Josie’s Quick Take on the Royal Wedding!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2011 by Ella Slayne

Oh the Royal Wedding – what a do! 

Kate looked divine and so elegant – it is hard not to be in awe.  William looked dapper and completely in love which was just adorable! 

But my oh my what about some of those hats?????  A collection of different coloured satellite dishes!

The Queen looked fabulous – as always impeccable taste.

David Beckham was … well handsome of course! Posh Spice was so serious (cheer up love) and WHO ON EARTH was responsible for advising Beatrice and Eugene on their outfits?  They looked ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

What did y’all think? 😉