Mobile Phone Banter!

I had a bit of a Lindsay Lohan moment the other day!  It was so humiliating, nearly brought me out in spots and had me reaching for the Proactive!  And I just want to say before I go any further that I am innocent  – I did not intend to steal the deluxe, plastic toilet plunger from Home Depot, it was a mistake for which I am truly sorry.

Here’s what happened…

I’m in the local DIY shop – not a place I often frequent to be honest, but this was an emergency involving the loo and a bit of an overflow – need I say more?  Anyway so there I am walking up and down the oh-so-scintilating aisles, fathoming my way through the rather expansive hook collection and grout utensils, when I’m distracted by someone yelling into his mobile phone. 

I’m not a big fan of mobile phones to be honest  – or cell phones as they call them over here.  I do have one, it’s almost rude not to really, but it’s mostly for emergencies or the odd text.  People try calling me and can never get through – most of the time the battery’s dead.  

I am also not a fan of being forced to listen-in on other people’s private conversations.  It’s hard enough to keep track of my own comings-and-goings never mind having to get involved in someone’s else’s.  You see my problem is I can’t ignore these public chats.  If I over-hear someone revealing their adultery standing in line at the supermarket – I want to know more, in fact I want to follow them home, sit them at the kitchen table and talk it through with a cup of tea.  And if I hear that Grandpa’s dog has to be re-homed I’m practically in tears – especially when I find out that the dog is heart-worm positive and lives in Wyoming!  You see the problem – I go home and I worry about these people.  Crikey I’m the type of person who has sleepless nights over the couple having a disastrous kitchen make-over on Design for a Dime! (Which let’s face it, is a flawed concept. Don’t get me started!)

Anyway back in Home Depot, I’m trying to concentrate and in front of me is this bloke nattering away on his cell, very loudly which in itself would have been enough to get my back up but even worse he was having a row with the person on the other end of the phone.  So there I am, listening to this guy yell his head off. “I told him it was the wrong way round before!” He shouts.  “No I won’t give the money back!” He booms.  It was so annoying and, quite frankly,  a tad stressful.  I mean I’m trying to focus on locating the correct plunging tool (who knew there are so many to choose from?)  and all the time I’m being distracted by Mr Boomy-Chops.  And now I’m worrying about what has happened? Is it serious – are we talking mis-aligned bathroom tiles or someone’s breast implants?

Then as I’m trying to pay, there he is again, in front of me huffing and puffing, sweat on his forehead, looking a bit red in the face and I’m thinking: “My God he’s going to have a heart attack!”    And I’m so worried that he’s going to  keel over and pop his biceps, that I end up walking out of the shop without paying for my plunger. 

The next thing I know all the alarms  are going off and I’m surrounded by security guards.  And while Mr Boomy-Chops heads out to his car, seemingly all sweetness and light now, I’m wondering who will pay my bail! 

I do think the security guards in Home Depot are a little over zealous – quite honestly, if I was going to steal anything I’d pick something a bit more stylish than a loo-plunger – give  me some credit!  I’m a B-list celebrity…well more like an G-list but we have our place in Hollywood too you know! 

Actually maybe I should buy an I-phone after all…is that how you spell it?  Is it I-phone or Iphone?  Oh maybe it’s IPhone…

Bye y’all!

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6 Responses to “Mobile Phone Banter!”

  1. So when are you up in Court?!
    Kathleen

  2. Actually they let me go in the end – I think my hysterical weeping had something to do with it! 😉

  3. So, was Mr. Boomy-Chops a looker?

  4. Ah yes a very interesting question. No he was not – otherwise all would be forgiven of course! 😉

  5. hahaha I love this! I’m usually the Mr Boomy-Chops at the supermarket, calling my mum to confirm what she wanted me to buy for her. After reading this, I promise to never banter again 🙂
    It’s iPhone, little i. I know, what’s the point?

  6. Haha…you are not alone. I do silly, mindless things too more frequently than I’d like to admit 😀

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