Beware The Home Remedy!

You’re probably aware by now that I’m a fan of toiletries.  I admit it, unashamedly, I love all that stuff – lotions and potions that claim to do all sorts of wonderful things like detoxify or purify.  My real weakness has to be body lotion, although a good eye cream is hard to resist.  

Yes I have absolutely stacks of toiletries in my bathroom – in fact there’s hardly any room for the toothpaste.  I’ve got the classics like Coconut Cream and Lavender Lotion and I’ve got the exotics like Jasmine and Orchid Essence. I’ve  even got one or two rather odd sounding creams like  Flax-Seed and Nutmeg Anti-Wrinkle Emolient and Gherkin Green-Tea Lengthening Lotion (no, not really but you get the idea). 

We all know, it can get pretty surreal when you venture out into the world of natural remedies and I really believed that I was prepared to try anything, anything,  if it promised me a wrinkle free chin!

 But now I realise, I have met my match.  As of today, I hold up my hands and surrender to the Natural Remedy Slayer! 

It all happened while I was absent mindedly flicking through my book of Home Remedies  – a freebie from the lovely people at National Public Radio – I could have had a Think mug with Krys Boyd’s face on it, but that required a donation of over a hundred dollars and quite frankly I wasn’t prepared to go that far! 

Anyway,  after finding out that ginger was good at relieving migraines and mayonnaise was perfect for suffocating head-lice (who knew?), I happened to stumble on a section entitled Barnyard Remedies For Dry Skin.  The title itself should have been a warning sign. 

And this folks, is what they suggest for dry skin:  Bag Balm!  Also known as… UDDER CREAM

Honestly people,  are you suggesting I cover my body with the same stuff used to soothe the chapped udders of cows?Really?  And get this: apparently it has the drawback of being “greasy and smelly” to boot!  I mean, way to sell it guys!   Let me just call the Dairy Association right now and see if they have any spare tubs!

Now I have done some pretty strange things in the name of beauty – like smear mashed watercress and honeyed oatmeal on my face.  I’ve even slopped french vanilla yoghurt you-know-where! (Well haven’t we all? No? Oh… is that just an old wives tale then?!)

But this?  Advocating the use cow NIPPLE cream?  This is crossing the line!  Crossing–the–line!

Bye y’all!

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4 Responses to “Beware The Home Remedy!”

  1. Josie-
    All good Texas women should know about Bag Balm. I get it at the feed store and will gladly pick you up a batch next time I go. A word of advice though, good for bovine nipples but only good for human feet.

  2. Machelle Grimes Says:

    Smooth and silky, Josie! smooth and silky. And you won’t even moo.

  3. You guys USE this stuff? Eek! Next, you’ll be telling me that the mayonnaise thing works too!

  4. Don’t worry. I have no boundaries.

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