Archive for July, 2010

The Couric Interview

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Camera opens up on a studio, with a very modern set, Josie and Katie Couric sit opposite each other on two uncomfortable looking Euro-pop style chairs with just small, minimalist metal table between them.  The set lighting is stark to give the impression that this is serious journalism.

“Hello and welcome to Katie’s Fifteen Minutes Of Fame where I interview a rising star in the world of Art and Entertainment.  I am joined here today by Josie Jenkins, fictional character and winner of numerous blog awards.  Hello Josie, thank you for joining me today.”

“Thankyou for having me, Katie and may I just say that I have always been a fan, especially when you did that voice-over bit on Shark Tale  – you sounded great, even though you looked like a fish!”

“Oh thank you very much, it was a long time ago.” Katie looks a little embarrassed.  Josie, oblivious of course, continues.

“Yes I thought that was actually quite brave because you’re like a serious journalist – well semi-serious, I mean it’s hardly BBC is it? –  it could have totally screwed up your career.”

There is an uncomfortable pause.  Eventually Couric coughs. 

“Well we’re not here to talk about me.” (Forced smile) “Josie Jenkins you came from nothing, literally, and now have a career which spans across literature and film.  How are you coping with this new-found fame?”

Josie smiles, and looks like she is resisting the temptation to whoop loudly.  “Life has certainly changed but I think I’m coping okay.  Trying to keep my feet firmly on the ground.  I think it helps that I had a modest background.”

“Yes let’s just talk about that for a minute.  You are originally from the North of England and now currently live in Dallas, Texas.  That must be quite a contrast?”

“It is yes.  I was brought up in a semi-detached 1930’s house, my bedroom was probably the size of my current closet!”  She laughs.   “But you know, I was happy, even though I didn’t have an en suite bedroom.” (she sighs and looks wistfully to camera)  “Yes it was tough, but like I said, we were happy.”  She smiles and takes a sip of water.

“Recently you have been the subject of some tabloid interest and there are rumours that you and your creator, Ella Slayne, have had a falling-out.  Is that true?”  Couric glances down at her paper.  “In fact it seems she refused to take part in this interview when approached by CBS.”

“I’m glad you brought this up Katie because it gives me an opportunity finally put a stop to the nonsense that has been going around in the papers.  Ella Slayne and I are still very close and in touch with each other every day.  She is currently working on other projects – we both have our own lives to lead you know Katie.  And may I just add that I am also not a shoplifter either. It was an honest mistake, I was holding the Gucci dress in my hand when I rushed outside to say hello to an old friend.  The whole thing was blown completely out of proportion.  Crikey those places have major security systems – I had ringing in my ears for weeks after that! Oh and it was not a bottle of whiskey the police confiscated, it was a miniature bottle of orange liquor I’d been given on the plane to LA.”  Josie is fiddling with her hair, her cheeks are flushed.

Katie Couric smiles condescendingly.  “Let’s move onto a lighter note shall we?  It seems you have received not one but two awards recently.  Tell us about them.”

“Oh yes I’m so excited about this.  I’ve recently been given the One Lovely Blog award and the You’re Going Places award – and when Ella can work out how to transfer their pictures onto my blog page you’ll be able to see them. One of them has a rather fetching photo of Humphrey Bogart I believe!  They are both from Miss Rosemary, you should take a look at her blog, Katie, you might like it, it’s full of helpful ramblings and tips.  Here’s the link: http://disgruntledwriterscircle.wordpress.com/. I am so grateful to her for noticing me and acknowledging me in this way.”  Josie turns to camera. “I hope this televised thank you makes up for the fact that those very expensive chocolates I sent got lost in the post, ahem.”   

“And you are also working on a biography at the moment – is that right?”

“Yes I am! It’s called Jumping Off The Page  – the trials and tribulations of a fictional character.  I like to think of it as a life story from a different perspective, you know?”

“How are you finding the writing process?”

“Oh I’m not actually writing it myself!  No I’ve got someone in to do that for me.  Isn’t that what all the stars do?”

Couric turns to camera.  “I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for today.  Josie Jenkins thank you for joining me on Katie’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame.”  

As the camera pans out, we see Josie lean forward and point her nose towards Katie Couric and say: “Do I have a bogey up my nose?  Because if so, we’ll have to do the whole thing again…”

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Quick Tip No.3…

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , on July 19, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Obviously we’re on a roll here!

Josie’s Quick Tip  No.3:

Don’t pigeonhole yourself – afterall you’re not a pigeon! 

 (Besides, those holes are small and pokey which makes it hard to move and spread your wings – sort of cramps your style.)  

Bye y’all!

Another One of Josie’s Quick Tips!

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , on July 13, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Josie’s  Quick Tip No.2:

If you’ve got it, flaunt it – if you haven’t, don’t!  

(It’s always good to know one’s style limitations if you ask me!)

Bye y’all!

PS: I’d say much more about this but am trying not to wax lyrical necessarily – this is quite hard because as you may have realised I am a natural rambler.

PPS: Therefore I’m actually quite proud of myself for not going into any more detail – but let me just say that if  it’s in any way unclear, just let me know and I’d be happy expand further – I have plenty of examples…

Josie’s Quick Tips! No.1…

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Ella is trying out a new thing, apparently.  From now on, occasionally, I am to deliver a witty and pithy Quick Tip.  Sort of in the style of Good Housekeeping, so you can imagine me with 1950’s style hair, wearing an apron if you like and talking in a very clipped Queen’s English.   She would probably say it is a way of revealing more layers to my fictional personality however if you ask me, it’s just an excuse for not writing a proper blog.   For the time being though we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, because let’s face it, it must be pretty taxing on the old brain to have to think up lengthy blog posts every week musn’t it?  So glad it’s not up to me – I can’t even handle the odd tweet!

Anyway here it is:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1:

If you’re tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans, or even your relaxed fit jeans for that matter  (in which case I suggest some form of exercise because the whole point of the relaxed fit is that they looked relaxed and not as if they are restricting your ability to breathe!  So if your relaxed fit jeans are tight, you probably need to do something about it which involves a sport’s bra and a pair of leggings – although not if you’re a bloke because then a sport’s bra is a bit pointless, unless you have a case of the man-boobs, although, even then a bra should NOT be worn – I’m afraid you just have to brave out the man-boob droop really – oops these are supposed to be pithy! )  Let’s start again:

Josie’s Quick Tip No.1: (take two)

If your tummy feels like it’s bulging out of your skinny jeans or even your relaxed fit jeans – ok let’s just say ANY jeans – while you are seated at the dinner table, try standing up to eat instead.  It’s a lot more comfortable and although it may appear a tad anti-social, rest assured,  it is in fact a lot better than subjecting your fellow diners to a floppy role of gut which will no doubt put them off their over-sized bowl of tagliatelle!  (Oh and maybe cut down on the carbs too…)

Bye y’all!

Jetsetter! Or maybe not…

Posted in blogging, fiction, humor, life, personal, travel, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2010 by Ella Slayne

So first of all I must apologise for the fact that things have been a bit quiet on the blog front  – this is due to several reasons, the main ones being that rather inconsiderately, a month ago, the schools all closed down for the  summer vacation (thus leaving quiet moments for blog contemplation rather hard to find)  and also because  Ella and her family are currently  travelling in Europe and wifi reception has been a bit patchy (which apparently can make posting new blog entries a bit tricky). 

I realise that this may sound a bit glamorous but the reality is far from it I’m afraid. I’ll put it into perspective so you see what I mean.

Whereas I get to travel with a stylish Jane Marvel  carry-on and a cashmere pashmina (thank God!), Ella gets to travel with three children under twelve and a Bob The Builder backpack!  So instead of rummaging through her collection of handy Eagle Creek mesh bags  for the all-important-travel essential Evian Facial Mist, poor Ella finds herself digging around among the diapers for glow in the dark dinosaur stickers.  And whereas most of us are happily sipping on a glass of Cotes-du-Rhone after take-off, Ella is sucking on left-over Starburst.  Yes hardly the high-life.

When I say Europe, I mean she’s in the UK actually but Europe sounds more E. M Forster doesn’t it?  You know, as if she has travelled overseas to the lakes of Italy to take the waters when in fact she has flown over the Atlantic to see the rellies.  So rather than sending for afternoon tea from a grand Art Deco hotel balcony while trunks of crinoline dresses and cotton blouses are being unpacked by the sullen mediterranean maid, Ella is, in fact, trying to keep the dirty laundry away from her Ann Taylor Loft linen tunic and lamenting the fact that someone has left the lid off the baby wipes again!

Ah yes, as the rellies would say: Happy Days!

Bye y’all!

PS: please excuse typos – Ella is writing this at 3am – the curse of jet-lag!