Archive for April, 2010

Twittering!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 28, 2010 by Ella Slayne

OMG!  Ella has put me on Twitter!  Just now, on a whim, she has signed me up for my very own Twitter account!  This is a completely silly move because I have absolutely no clue how to tweet  – I am so uncool!  Worse than that though,  is that Ella has even less know-how about the Tweeting world.  I mean on the scale of nerd to very cool, she is definitely nearer the nerd end than me.  Which means that between us we don’t really stand a chance of being up-to-the-minute Twitterers – or whatever it’s called!  

I mean what sort of thing are you supposed to say in a tweet?  Does it have to be something profoundly wise or side-splittingly funny?  If so, my tweets are likely to fail spectacularly.  I’d be better at the dull, mundane tweets like:  I just went to the loo or Picked my nose three times today.   But then who wants to know about that?  It is obvious I shall have to make something up in order to appear interesting and important and worthy of tweeting.  And yet I’m not even sure I actually want to be a Tweeter – I can’t help feeling there’s something a bit lonely about it.   But one of the annoying things about being a fictitious character is that you have no control! 

There is one plus side about joining Twitter –  you can stalk celebs and pretend that you are part of their illusive cool crowd by reading their Twitters, oops I mean Tweets.   Unfortunately,  the only celebrity I have found at the moment is Stephen Fry and he’s hardly A-list these days!    His latest tweet refers to a foggy morning in LA, he even uses the word pootle, not that I have anything against this word, it is a fine word, but it hardly makes for a mind-blowingly exciting tweet does it?  No offence Mr Fry.

 Actually am now thinking that Twitter is de-celebratizing (I think I just made up a word) celebrities by revealing that their lives could be just as boring as the rest of us.    Must try looking up Ashton Kutcher as have a feeling his Tweets might be a bit more interesting… could be something like: Just noticed that Demi has hair sprouting from her chin!  Or:  Have sudden craving for size 12 woman with bumpy thighs!  Now those would be Tweets worth reading!

Anyway wish me luck in the world of Twitter and if any of you have any tips, send’em my way! 😉

Bye y’all!

PS: You can see my Tweets on the righthand side of this blog.  My first one is hardly inspiring but I was under pressure!   Oh I can feel my hair frizzing with the stress…

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Maintenance

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Today so far I have…

  1. micro-abraised the skin on my face – I do not know what this means but apparently it is good for me.
  2. Washed my body all over with clarifying body wash and wonder whether my skin feels different now that it is ph balanced.
  3.  Covered my hair with intensified conditioning balm.
  4. Pummeled the heels on my feet with something that worryingly resembles a cheese-grater and rather surprised find that what came off my heels looked rather like grated parmesan!
  5. Moisturized said heels with a parsnip and almond heel cream (no, not really parsnip but it smells like parsnips and maybe parsnips have conditioning properties which just haven’t been discovered yet….)
  6. Plucked stray and unsightly hairs from chin – aargh!
  7. Shaved legs and underarms using soothing witch hazel shaving balm.
  8. Covered dark circles under eyes and the odd pimple with vitamin E nude concealer.
  9. Done thirty sit-ups and five press-ups (that’s an improvement actually) in attempt to firm up wobbly tum and strengthen core.  Although can’t help feeling that consuming less Dove chocolate might help as well!
  10. Gagged on one cup of detoxifying green tea – I know it’s good for me but I just can’t get over the taste!

And I have only been awake for thirty mins, crikey I haven’t even been to the loo yet, never mind eaten breakfast.

Seems once you hit the mid-thirties there’s a lot of…maintenance!  Or is it just me?

Bye y’all!

Ta-Da! (Please imagine a fanfare of trumpets here)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on April 20, 2010 by Ella Slayne

I have my own picture!  Don’t you just love it?  I do!  In fact I am absolutely thrilled!  And may treat myself to a new cherry lip plumper to celebrate!

It seems that since the blog won an award, Ella thought me worthy of my own personalised blog header.  Lucky for her that she just happens to have an old school chum who is a whizz in the graphics department!  Actually it’s amazing he even remembered her, because apparently the sixth formers at Ella’s school spent rather a lot of time boozing in the corner of the local pub!   Anyway,  it seems that some of these drunken fools turned out alright – although I’m still not entirely sure about Ella!  However it does lead me to wonder if beer is actually good for you after all – I mean isn’t it true that the monks of old used to brew their own?  There’s probably quite a lot of nutrition in all that hops! 

I simply have to thank Marek for giving me rather nice feet!  Those slippers are just like mine – how did he know?   I’d also like to thank him for not showing the big red blister I have on my right heel  – the result of a hasty and ill-advised running-shoes purchase.  Just because they are 50% off does NOT mean they are a bargain. Humph!

Am loving the heels Marek gave me too and actually have a Banana Republic navy wrap dress which would go perfectly with them, if only they were real … actually the dress isn’t real either.  Come to think it, neither am I!  But now that I have my own picture I do feel more real, and also quite important, so you may find that I begin take myself rather seriously from now on.   

You absolutely have to check out Marek’s website to see more of his work.   Here’s the link:  www.mjcartoons.co.uk       You’ll also find it permanently on the blogroll.   Seems he does all sorts – you don’t even have to be in the same country  – it’s all done through cyberspace apparently which is frankly, simply an incredible thing to a techno-wimp like me!

Ah yes I feel my celebrity status swelling – or is that just my head?  It’s starts with a blog award, next I get my own logo, before you know it, I’ll be chums with Oprah!

Bye y’all!

An Outrage!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Well this is an absolute outrage!  I have really and truly got the hump!  Why?  You might well ask.  And I will happily tell you because quite frankly it will be good to get it off my chest.

Ella Slayne – my beloved creator – has given me the flu.  The flu!  She didn’t have to – I mean I’m a fictitious character right?  So she can choose whether I get flu or not.  I think it’s spite – she came down with it over the weekend and didn’t want to be the only one.  There’s no need to take it out on poor little defenseless me though is there? I mean she could have just breathed on her husband… or one of the kids!

Apparently she thinks it will be character revealing.  What’s character revealing about sweating your arse off and writhing around on the bed as every muscle in your body aches?  That’s what I’d like to know!  Surely everyone sobs for their mother when struck down with the flu?

What’s so revealing about shivering on the loo trying to pee as quickly as possible so you can get back into bed?  Or keeping a supply of moist kitchen towels on your nightstand so that you can delicately mop your brow like in a scene from a BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice? Ah Mr Darcy!  Shame he wasn’t around to make me some beef tea.  Or listen to my intermittent moans.  Or stroke my back…or caress my cheek or … ahem!  

Luckily I had an old packet of Cold and Flu remedy in the bathroom cabinet, so have been guzzling that for some temporary relief.  And thank goodness I had a pack of chocolate covered Hob Nobs stashed in the kitchen too  – they have been my only food source and  I recently read somewhere that the cocoa bean is supposed to be good for you so am hoping that will aid my recovery.  Although that, of course, is up to Ella!  Humph!

Yes it has been a bit of come down after my celebrity status last week I can tell you!

Highheels and Slippers receives the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blog Award!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2010 by Ella Slayne

Picture

The following is a transcript of Josie Jenkins’ recent acceptance speech:

“Oh gosh!” Bashfully smiles to audience. “Really thank you so much.  I am truly honoured.” Gazes at award and swishes skirt of designer sequined gold dress. 

“I’d like to thank the Academy…I mean WordPress.com for recognizing the blogging industry and providing a forum where we are free to blog.” Emotional sharp intake of breath. 

“I’d like to thank Ella Slayne, of course, for creating me and giving me a voice.” Fights back tears. “Thank you Ella – you are my world…literally…” More skirt swishing with added hair fluffing.

Oh gosh honestly I just didn’t expect anything like this!  Wow!  Erm…I’d like to Jai Joshi at the Tulsi Tree for giving me this wonderful award.”  Calls out. “Where are you Jai?”  Peers out to audience, squinting under the bright lights. “Don’t be shy…I see you!” Waves at someone in the audience, blows theatrical kisses.  “Thanks babe!”  

 There is a pause. Josie wipes tears from her eyes.  Ushers are on stage anxiously waiting to escort her away, in the background, music begins to play.  Josie is oblivious to these cues and in a rather Dame Edna Everage sort of a way,  looks directly at camera. 

“But most of all I’d like to thank my fans, because without them, I’d just be a nobody floating around in blogging cyberspace  – so to all my fans I’d like to say thank you.” Patronising smile to camera.  “Thank you for making me a somebody, a somebody with Hollywood hair  and a Vera Wang dress – even if it is only for one night.  Apparently Julienne Moore is wearing this at some charity do next week and they need a few days to take it in.” There is a small cough as Josie strokes her stomach.   

“Really this has been the best day of my life! If you don’t count the one when you-know-who asked me out on a date.  Oh I forgot you don’t know about that yet – you’ll have to wait for the book!”  Ushers move closer.  “No really I am so grateful – though not as grateful as I am to Vidal Sassoon for making the best hair de-frizzer I’ve ever found or to my local supermarket for stocking Cadbury’s Curly Wurlies!” The ushers are now moving in and look aghast as Josie continues.

 “Oh and I also want to thank my best friend Becky – I know you’re watching at home –  who was kind enough to lend me her Revitalizing Rescue Face Pack last night after I found a spot forming on my nose.  That stuff really works. You can’t see it now at all.” She rubs finger over tip of nose.  “There’s just a small bump.  Amazing really because it looked like it was going to be huge!”

The ushers finally move forward and swiftly take Josie’s arms.  As she is escorted off the stage Josie cries: “Thank you!”  And then turns to the ushers, forgetting she is wearing a mic: “Do I get to sit back next to Ryan Seacrest now?  He’s even better looking in real life isn’t he?”