Dialogue with a dermatologist

I met a dermatologist at a party the other day.  Couldn’t believe my luck because I’ve had a mole on my neck which looks a bit questionnable.  I’ve been planning to get it looked at, but other stuff keeps getting in the way, like shaving my legs or making toast.  Not really high on my list of priorities then!   I did a bit of  reasearch on the internet but it was all a bit vague.

So when I was introduced to Fiona The Dermatologist I thought:  here’s an opportunity to get a quick examination for free!  After all, a trained dermatologist must surely be able to spot a suspicious freckle a mile off.  After the initial introduction – during which I had managed only to simper in awe –  Fiona had been swept away by Dylan The Fitness Instructor, so I hovered by the party mix for a while, trying to look nonchalant while nibbling wasabi peas – which isn’t easy.      Eventually she came over to grab a mushroom vol-au-vent and I took this as my way in. 

“You have some pea on your chin” she said, smiling at me.  Well it was a start. 

“Are you sure it’s not a mole!” I smirked back because actually I thought that was rather witty!

“Er no…I’m pretty sure it’s a pea”  she said as she delicately put the pastry case into her mouth.  It was like a master class in how to eat a vol-au-vent.  There was no flaky pastry on her blouse, no creamy gunk dribbling out of the sides of her mouth – I couldn’t help gazing in admiration. 

 I brushed the bit of pea from my chin and said: “Actually I do have a mole.”

“Oh?”  she said, surveying the other snacks on offer.

“Yes it’s on my neck… here.”  I jutted my neck towards and leaned to the right exposing my potentially diseased blemish.  “Would you mind having a quick look?”  I said, I put my hand out towards the table for support but found the spinach dip instead.  “Ew!”

“Here’s a napkin” Fiona said, handing me a floral serviette.  She was very cool.

“Oh thanks!” I pulled my hand out, accidentally flicking some dip her way.  I, on the other hand,  was not so cool.   There was a big blob at the top of her cleavage.  I was going to mention it but then she said: “So, let me see this worrying beauty spot.”

I pointed it out, thrilled, at last, to get an expert opinion, instead of  relying on Google Images.  “It’s … just…here.”

“Oh yes I see what you mean…” she was squinting, which was a little off-putting actually because I mean, you would expect a dermatologist to have 20-20 vision wouldn’t you?  “It is a little irregular…”  My heart started pounding, my worst fear was coming true – this was it, I was doomed.  “But nothing I would worry about.”   No, because it’s not on your neck!  I didn’t say that out-loud.

“Really?  Are you sure? It’s a bit bumpy.”  I leaned in closer to her so she could get a better look.  “I can find a magnifying glass if that would help”  I said, aware that I was crossing the line and possibly becoming mad-person-at-the-party

She grabbed another vol-au-vent.  The spinach dip was still there, nestled in her cleavage.   “Honestly it’s fine.  Would you excuse me? I must go and socialize” she winked at me.  “There are some rather attractive men here don’t you think, Jackie?” 

“It’s Josie” I said, pointlessly because she had already disappeared into the merry throng – a skin specialist with spinach dip down her top.

 Obviously I’m still worried about my freckle, because her diagnosis was obviously not to be trusted.  I mean she couldn’t even get my name right and you’d expect someone who inspects dodgy moles for a living,  to pay attention to details wouldn’t you?  

Bye y’all!


4 Responses to “Dialogue with a dermatologist”

  1. Using a wasabi pea “mole” as your in….you’re just too clever Josie 🙂

  2. That must have been quite a party, Josie, what with wasabi peas and vol-au-vents (need to look it up!) being offered. Too bad you were distracted by that wayward mole :).

  3. Claire Evans Says:

    It could be worse Josie love. She might have been an expert from the STD clinic and you might have felt compelled to show her your other wart!

  4. I can’t think of anything to say because I’m still laughing.


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