A failure – in yoghurt terms anyway!

Oh dear- I failed at the Activia Challenge!   I missed a day and in doing so laid myself open to another distended tum attack – eek!

Usually, I have my little pot of healthy bacteria in the morning but the other day I forgot.  I thought I could catch up at lunchtime but they just had normal yoghurt.  I did have one – one of those I’m a yoghurt but I’m pretending to be a pie things apple and cinnamon turnover or something – I mean seriously, who are they trying to kid?  It’s ridiculous!  I know what an apple turnover tastes like and it’s not white and gloopy!   Anyway couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t the same.  I mean I’m sure there is some healthy bacteria in normal yoghurt but is there enough?

I intended to have my probiotic fix when I got home, but ended up falling asleep in front of the TV instead.  That in itself would not have been so bad, except that I had a nightmare in which Jamie Lee Curtis was dressed as a college professor, black gown, stupendous cleavage – even at her age – and mortar board hat.  She kept saying – “You are a failure Josie Jenkins of the bloated belly”  – while flicking yogurt pot lids at me with F scrawled all over them in red ink.  I have made a conscious decision not to over-analyse this dream, lest I uncover some awful personal truth.

Since then unfortunately, I have been unable to look at an Activia yoghurt, let alone eat one!  So I’ve been searching for alternative, as I’m certain that all the iffy bacteria will be multiplying at an astonishing speed. 

The helpful lady at the chemist suggested I try the sachets of probiotic granules because – “You can take them wherever you go and sprinkle them on your food. I use them all the time!”  She had quite a sizeable tum so I wasn’t wholly convinced, but I thought I’d give it a go anyway.  The problem is though, that it does rather rely on you taking the sachets with you wherever you go.  I mastered that by putting them in my handbag – problem solved you might think.  But actually no, because you still have to remember to take the things out of your bag –and that’s where I slip up – almost every day!

It would be easier if you could just arrange a monthly injection of healthy bacteria.  Yes that would be a lot simpler.  You could just turn up at the doctor’s, once a month, and say: “Hi Doc – how about a shot of my usual stomach stabilizer?”  Ok I’m being a bit daft now.

Actually ,I’m happy to report that everything seems back to normal in the tum department. Not saying that I have a flat stomach or anything, it’s just protruding in it’s usual manner and doesn’t look as if I’ve swallowed a watermelon whole. 

I’m not sure why Ella feels the need to post a whole blog entry on the happenings of my insides  –  I mean are there no privacy laws for a fictional character?   Next she’ll be telling you whether I’ve been picking my nose recently.  I haven’t, by the way – although it has been a bit runny lately.  I think I’m coming down with a cold, either that or I have a developing nasal drip.  Must look into that…

There!  You see!  She’s done it already – the state of my nasal mucus revealed to millions on the internet – I have no control! 

Oh but life does require such a lot of upkeep doesn’t it?  Sometimes I just want to run off to a villa in the South of France and let it all hang out – runny nose and bloated gut.

Au revoir mes amis!


4 Responses to “A failure – in yoghurt terms anyway!”

  1. Josie, when you find that villa in France, do tell me. I’ll follow right in your footsteps and we can commiserate with each other about the unfairness of life. (Oh wait! Could it be that you’re running away from miseries like me?)

  2. So that’s what probiotics are intended for – have you thought of trying Pilates instead Josie?

  3. Groovy-Guy Says:

    So it’s hypochondriac corner now, is it?

    Probiotic granules and stuff can’t be needed else the human race would have died out long ago. Sounds more like another useless-but-money-making trick for fleecing anxious gullibles (like homeopathy, hair conditioner, cosmetics, telephone sanitizing, …).

  4. Josie,

    I’m very glad to hear that your tummy no longer looks like you’ve swallowed a watermelon whole. Try not to worry too much about the yogurt and just eat healthier on the whole. You’ll feel better.


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