When a size 10 becomes a size 12!

Had a bit of a pregnancy scare over the weekend which turned out to be a case of bloated tum! Big relief to find out that was not pregnant but slightly mortified to realize that may have a case of  irregular bowel! So am now doing the Activia challenge because quite frankly if those yogurts work for Jamie Lee Curtis – they can work for me. Probiotics – bring it on!

There! It’s happened already – as I feared, Ella is unecessarily revealing personal details to all and sundry on the internet! Actually I’m also realizing that this blog thing is worse than a diary – it’s an addiction! Ella has already become blog-obsessed – talking about it all the time, emailing it to everyone she knows – she even put it on Facebook for goodness sakes!  In the end I will have no privacy at all, I’ll be followed by the paparazzi or at least the blogarazzi – you might as well call me Victoria Beckham!  Although a curvier version…ok, I admit we look nothing alike, but you know what I mean!

A BIG THANKYOU to all those people who posted such lovely comments  thus preventing aforementioned author from feeling like a Billy No Mates and becoming even more unbearable to live with.  Apologies to those of you who had problems posting – apparently this new server will make that a lot easier –  please do read and comment on my blog, otherwise Ella may succumb to wallowing  in the depths of rejection, as she is rather prone to do – and let’s face it, if you’re an aspiring author there’s plenty of rejection around!
So as I was saying, I did, for a brief moment – as I was cramming my rather distended belly into my stretch Gap jeans – think I was preggars. In fact, if I’m honest, I almost hoped I was with child because, quite frankly, that would have been better than coming to terms with the fact that my sudden increase in dress size may be due to an  over-indulgence in chips and dip! Well it’s been a bit of  roller-coaster the past few months and if you read the book you’ll find out why,  but rest assured it’s no surprise I’ve been reaching for the hummus! And yes, I know, you can cut the calories in half by using carrot or celery but it just doesn’t taste the same!
Rather than admit I am a glutton, I have decided to follow the advice of Ms Curtis – because after all she is a Hollywood star –  and see if it helps reduce the size of my girth. Oh and I’m going increase my running schedule … and cut out all dairy products from my diet…and nuts…and anything else I can think of that can cause the allergic reaction of a big stomach!
It’s things like a dodgy bowel and stubborn stomach flab that make you realize you’re getting older. That, and the wrinkles around your eyes which leave grooves in your skin, even when you’ve stopped smiling. Or, the fact that the reason for having Toni & Guy highlights is no longer to look stylish and up-to-the-minute but rather to cover up the grey!
By the way, I’d just like to point out that I’m not that old – on a scale of Jamie Lee Curtis and Victoria Beckham I’m in the middle – no, actually I’m nearer the Beckham end!
Though, obviously being in my thirties,  one is aware of the old biological clock ticking – only goodness knows what kind of a mother I’d be – I can’t even bear the sight of my own snot never mind someone else’s! And from what I’ve seen, dealing with a copious amount of gooey bogeys seems to accompany the rearing of children. Besides, I have a top-of-the-milk-cream Pottery Barn sofa, so it goes without saying that stray snot is completely out of the question!
Speaking of bogeys, I have to go and blow my ficticious nose!
Bye y’all!
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6 Responses to “When a size 10 becomes a size 12!”

  1. Oh, Josie, you are just hilarious, as ever! And who says you’re growing older? You’re only getting wiser!! 🙂

    Keep ’em coming, Ella!

  2. Stretch jeans are definitely one of the best fashion ideas EVER! And I hate to tell you Josie, but there’s much worse you’re exposed to when you have young children than bogeys (I won’t go into details).

  3. Groovy-Guy Says:

    Hi Josie-Babe,

    Gee – I guess snot and bogeys are facts of life, but when we gonna hear more ’bout that great social life you’re into?

    Groovy-Guy

  4. Heather S. Says:

    Oh, I absolutely love it!!! Wishing you the best!

  5. That’s the way life goes Kiddo!

  6. Is that hummmmus or hoooommus? 🙂

    XX

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